Without Moon
by lord Martiya
Summary: A retelling of the Sailor Moon anime with a twist: they can't find Sailor Moon anywhere.
1. Prologue: Pluto's Stress

That's not my idea. You know I'm crazy (see in particular _The Godfather_ and _The Gift_ for reference), but this one is not my idea, it's robyalix's. Still, the execution is MINE.

by lord Martiya

**PROLOGUE: PLUTO'S STRESS**

For once, Sailor Pluto was almost fine. Yes, she was still stressed by her multiple jobs, but pieces were finally coming into place. The problem on Mars was about being solved (if only those three kept themselves from so much property damage on Earth it would have been perfect. Maybe Pluto should go and destroy the skyscraper of their foe's replacement to vent stress, this one was even faster at rebuilding it), her son got suspicious about that demonic infestation and was finally near finding the culprit, Uranus and Neptune were around searching for the Talismans, Neptune was finally getting over The Problem, and Luna was about finding and awakening the Inners, with Artemis and Sailor Venus rampaging and making a lot of money in merchandising and royalties. Now she had only to survey the Gates, still stressing but a lot less than it was when mixed with the rest. That and finish the execution of Queen Serenity's plan. She didn't exactly love it, but she had her orders, and without those problems she could relieve her stress.

_"Artemis to Queen's Voice."_

Artemis was NOT supposed to call. Fuck.

"Queen's Voice to Artemis. What's happening, some issues in London?" Pluto asked to the radio.

_"Here's fine, apart the food. It's Luna who has issues: she can get the approximate position of the Guardians under her charge, but not Moon."_

Stress level rising. And the Gates were failing to show Moon at all.

"Find where the European monsters are from and get back to Tokyo ASAP, in the meantime I'll try to patch things." Pluto ordered.

Pluto took her staff and readied herself for the job, and related stress. Then remembered about something. One hour later, a skyscraper in Chicago collapsed, was rebuilt instantaneously and collapsed again fifty times in two hours. When the skyscraper finally stopped collapsing, Sailor Pluto teleported herself in Tokyo, much less stressed. Appearing before Jadeite who was freeing his youma Morga, tied up with his own elastic arms and legs.

"Whaddaya want?" the blond general asked.

Pluto disintegrated the youma.

"Sorry, my job." Pluto said.

"SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH THIS DAY?!?!?! FIRST I RETURN HOME AFTER A WHILE AND MY MOTHER PESTER ME FOR I'M STILL BLOND, THEN I FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, THEN A SAFE PLAN GETS FUCKED WITH ONE OF MY MOST EXPERT YOUMA REDUCED LIKE THIS BY A PASSING GIRL, AND NOW YOU APPEAR FROM NOWHERE AND DISINTEGRATE HER BEFORE MORGA CAN TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED! I JUST NEED THETIS TRYING TO RAPE ME AGAIN!!!" Jadeite cried.

Pluto was about killing him too, then decided to have mercy.

* * *

Chicago.

"Jadeite, what are you doing?" Nephrite asked.

"Venting." Jadeite replied.

"Disintegrating a building?"

The skyscraper rebuilt itself.

"No harms done." Jadeite replied before using telekynesis to tear the skyscraper apart.

"Can I try too?" Nephrite asked as the skyscraped rebuilt itself.

"Be my guest."

"Uh uh... The Stars Know Everything, even the best way to destroy that building."

Nephrite infused a youma in the skyscraped and awaited for the US Army artillery bombing.

* * *

In Rhamnous two girls laughed at what they had just done to Morga and the two generals' venting.

"How do you think they'll take this developement?" the blonde one asked.

"Not our problem." the dark-haired one replied.

"Hey sis, what are we doing now?"

"The same thing we do every night, sissy, try to take over the world."

The two laughed as a customized version of the theme _The Pinky and the Brain_ was played.


	2. Recruitment Woes

Here's first chapter. And beware, for Usagi is still a character, just the Sailor Senshi don't know she's Sailor Moon. And she's a bit OOC...

by lord Martiya

**ACT 1: RECRUITMENT WOES**

Luna was in a very bad mood. After all, the past two days had been very bad for her: first she had the nightmarish vision of giant mice attacking and killing giant cats; then one of the mice, the one having a metallic appendice, decided to be annoying and placed an aidband on her moon symbol, interfering with her translating device; then, a mad girl with odango hairdo took her and washed her for two hours straight, stripping her a lot of fur in the process, before taking the aidband away; following that, a Sailor Senshi who had identified herself as Sailor Pluto AND also The Queen's Voice appeared, freed her and interrogated her for hours, and unwittingly told her that the voice directing her from the Sailor V Game machine was actually Artemis in disguise, trying again to wrestle control of the mission from her (she liked Artemis and agreed with his logic that an intelligence operative like him was better suited for the job than a political advisor, but they had orders from the Queen. And Artemis would never live her down how easily he fooled her); next, she had been stomped by a tuxedo-wearing phantom thief and a police officer wearing steel-plated wedge-heeled shoes she could also use as projectiles (Luna knew because the police stopped on her and actually kicked a shoe against the thief, knocking him down of the roof they were on); then, every time she tried to stop a youma she narrowly escaped being stomped on by the youma or blasted off by Sailor Pluto missing the youma on purpose to vent; as final bit, Luna had finally found the suspected Sailor Mercury, a genious girl named Mizuno Ami, but she had just befriended the fur-strapping monster (that was apparently named Tsukino Usagi).

Finally, after a stop in the Game Center Crown, the monster left, and Luna stalked Ami to her cram school.

"What god did I offended?!"

Where the teacher was actually a youma in disguise trying to steal Ami's energy, provoking Luna's cry.

"A talking cat?!" the youma exclaimed.

"You looks like a monster from a sentai series and get surprised by a mere talking cat?" Ami asked the youma, imperturbable.

"Mizuno, the mouth of a cat cannot produce most sounds of any human language! Shouldn't you know these things?! And by the way, shouldn't you get surprised by the talking cat or me?!"

"After a few hours with the fur-stripping monster?" Luna retorted.

"Tsukino-san just wanted to help you, after all you stank of burned fur."

"But you can't negate strange things happen near her."

"What strange things?" the youma asked.

One second later she was knocked down by a fire extinguisher from Usagi.

"Ami-chan, you forgot the Crystal Disk." the odango-girl said while pouring alcol on the stunned youma and then lit her with a match. "She should be out of commission, but it's better going away and let the professionals take care of the monster. I know a guy who does it for a living, and..."

"DIE!!!"

The youma swung her arm, missing Usagi but opening a hole in the floor under her feet, dispatching the blonde for the time being.

"Damned girl..." the youma muttered, ignoring being literally on fire. "And now, little one, I'll absorb your energ-"

_**"Dead Scream."**_

"Damn."

The poor youma was disintegrated by the magma sphere, with Ami and Luna knocked out by the volcanic gas released by Pluto's attack.

"Whoops..." Pluto commented.

* * *

Jadeite had observed the scene with a binocular. Apparently there were youma killers apart the Sailors, if he still knew how to read lips. Even with Kiigan's kidnappings going well and the related occasions of peeking on a beautiful girl, that would be stressful... A couple minutes later, a certain skyscraper in Chicago danced into collapsing.

"I'M NOT THAT CHEESE-NAMED STINKER!!!"

Jadeite started wondering what the cry was about, then shrugged and decided to try some other plan.

After making sure Usagi was safe (and pouting because the youma died before she could take revenge), Pluto and Luna transported Ami on a roof and told her she was Sailor Mercury.

"So, I can transform in a magical girl and bash some monster?" Ami asked.

Luna and Pluto nodded.

"Cool! I can't wait to tell Tsukino-san!"

"Your identity is supposed to remain secret." Pluto said as Luna recovered from the face-fault.

"And how do you plan to hide that from her?"

* * *

Akasaka district, a couple days later.

"Onosaka, you're skipping your duties." the miko named Hino Rei said at the new helper of the temple.

"I'm sorry, Hino-san, but Chicago's metropolitan legends are quite funny." Jadeite AKA Onosaka Masaya replied showing his magazine.

Rei took a look about the 'Martians' supposed to ride in the city. Then...

"UNDER MY NOSE?!?!?! _**PLUTO PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!"**_

_**"MERCURY POWER, MAKE UP!"**_

The two reached the bus stop, seeing Luna, Sailor Pluto and Sailor Mercury reopening a certain dimensional portal.

"Now there's two with the talking cat..." Jadeite complained.

"How do you know I can talk?" Luna asked to him.

"The aura is compatible with the youma commander we spotted." Mercury explained after scanning Jadeite.

"Damn."

Jadeite was about running away before being knocked out by a forbidden hit from Rei AND a passing Usagi.

"Sod off, he caused me an untold amount of persecution." Rei told Usagi.

"And one of his monsters tried to kill me and escaped my revenge."

The two looked at each other, then stomped on Jadeite together for a while until Usagi got tired and remembered of her date.

"By the way, Ami, nice outfit." Usagi said.

"Thank you." she replied. Then said: "I told you, Pluto..."

A rose planted itself near Jadeite.

"Don't fear, fair ladies, I'll help you!" the tuxedoed thief said from a fence.

"Any reason why do you look like Sailor Pluto crossdressing with cosmetics?" Usagi replied, provoking a general face-fault. "Sorry, I'm very late, gotta run!"

Usagi left, immediatly imitated by a tuxedoed thief whose dignity had just been destroyed by a schoolgirl.

"Take this." Luna said Rei after producing Mars' transformation pen. "You can transform in Sailor Mars with this."

"Sailor Mars... Any link with the planet Mars?" Rei replied after taking the pen.

"You're the reincarnation of its ancient ruler." Pluto replied.

_**"MARS POWER, MAKE UP!"**_

After the transformation, Mars revived Jadeite.

"Hey, I have a deal for you." Mars said. "You transport me on Mars and I let you live."

Jadeite just transported Mars on her namesaking planet, escaping Pluto in the process.

"She was supposed to start a tongue-fight with Sailor Moon and forget about that..." Pluto mumbled. After she killed the youma, a certain building in Chicago was up for demolition. At least now the Martian problem would be solved for good. "Oh, I just pity those bastards..."

"What bastards?" Mercury asked.

"She just went to fight alien invaders on Mars."

"Alone?! But what they'll do her?!"

* * *

"Cannon, I think the general will want to know about this." a Martian said to a fellow partisan.

"Better wait and ask her to come." the other Martian replied.

Before them, on Mars, Sailor Mars was burning into oblion a base of the alien invaders, helped by Jadeite's telekynesis. Because for all his talk, Jadeite was not so stupid to not go into Mars' good grace if given the occasion. As he was doing.

* * *

Dark Kingdom

"You want the Justice Wheel brigade do WHAT?!" Queen Beryl asked.

"Help the Martians. It could convince at least a Sailor Senshi to join us." Jadeite replied.

"It's not because Thetis is in that brigade and you hope she'll be out of your way, I suppose."

"That would just be a bonus."

"Sorry, but I need that brigade here."

"Damn."

"But the DD Girls can do the job."

Jadeite understood that Beryl had found out who had eaten all her Austrian cake. There was no other explanation to send only a small group that did not included Thetis...

* * *

"You sure she is Sailor Jupiter?" Luna asked.

"Pretty sure." Meioh Setsuna/Sailor Pluto replied.

"Oh, boy, the pissed off miko wasn't enough..." Ami commented while dodging a stray bully.

It was a couple days since Sailor Mars' awakening (and her going on Mars to fight), and Pluto and Luna had managed to find Sailor Jupiter, a Kino Makoto girl. The fact the girl was savagely beating a street gang whose boss had dared to hit on her wasn't exactly good for Luna and Ami. Especially given that a guy who was with her was pinching his nose and giving the impression it wasn't the first time it happened.

"Kino, could you please stop beating the guys who insist politely?" the guy asked.

"Shinozaki, I need venting." was the reply. "Seriously, what the Senpai sees in Koharu?!"

"I think he was scared. I mean, being on friendly terms with THE Urameshi..."

"He doesn't bite. Not first."

"I know, but most people don't. And Nichogi was most people, on that. And you should stop anyways: if you continue to hit first you'll be expelled."

"I can help." Setsuna said while Luna and Ami facepalmed. That wasn't good.

* * *

Later that day.

"Jupiter, have mercy and just kill it! It's a living being too!" Sailor Mercury exclaimed.

"It's an energy-stealing monster, this qualifies as no mercy!!!" Jupiter replied.

"Is she always like that?" Jadeite asked.

"No, she has just lost a fight for a boy against the stupidest girl of the school and need venting." Shinozaki replied.

And while Mercury tried to convince Jupiter to just kill the poor youma Jadeite was planting, Luna was crying and cursing the fact Sailor Pluto had decided to leave her with the two Sailors.


	3. Queen Beryl's Best Day in Both Lives

You know, the youma in the Sailor Mars debut episode acted quite strange: he never tried to fight, just to run away. And that gave me an idea...

by lord Martiya

**ACT 2: QUEEN BERYL'S BEST DAY IN BOTH LIFES**

Sailor Pluto wasn't happy. Before her in the headquarter (whose main key was in Venus' hand and, unknown to Pluto, had been lose during the travel to UK. Good thing Pluto kept spares) were sitting Sailor Jupiter and a black-eyed Sailor Mercury, and between them Sailor Uranus and Neptune.

"Please repeat what the hell happened." Pluto said.

_**FLASHBACK**_

There was a reason if Kigaan was Jadeite's favourite minion: while weak, he was even sneakier than his general. And as he had two minutes advantage on Pluto, when she reached her parallel dimension he was long gone after rigging the place with Claymore mines, and was now repeating his ploy without the parallel dimension to hide the buses and the cursed charms. Slower, but still doable, and without Pluto chasing him as everybody half sane expected from a forewarned mistress of dimensions.

That was what she was thinking when he heard two passengers speak.

"I told you it would have repeated the ploy."

"But... WHY?! It's just too stupid doing that now that we know!"

"Exactly for we wouldn't expect."

"Yeah, yeah... _**SUPREME THUNDER!**_"

Kigaan jumped out just in time to dodge the lighting, immediatly pursued by the two Sailor Senshi.

**CRACK-BOOM!**

Two Sailor Senshi who just didn't expect him being armed with a Carl Gustaf Recoilless rifle. Old piece, but still useful to bust a bunker, open a 1960s-era MBT like a tin can, attack light warships (apparently a Royal Marine did exactly that during the Falklands War) or knocking down Sailor Jupiter.

Kigaan then attacked Sailor Mercury, knowing well she was smart but next to useless in combat. And got kicked in the balls. Hard.

"Just because you look like a female you shouldn't expect my computer will fall for that." Mercury said while reaching for the Carl Gustaf and a spare ammo.

"The bus is out of control..." Kigaan replied.

Mercury and a now recovered Sailor Jupiter left him alone and stopped the bus, giving Kigaan the time to escape. And for a pissed Jadeite to come and send them in a park away from there with his telekynesis.

"You Sailor Senshi gave me a problem too much." he said. "First you start attacking my minions, then that Sailor Mars has the bright idea of taking away the one thing enabling my hobby, and now this."

"What hobby?" Mercury asked.

"The same of Sailor Pluto: destroying a skyscraper in Chicago owned by a guy who has sold mankind to alien invaders."

The Sailor Senshi looked at him unable to understand if he was joking or what. Then Jupiter looked at his face.

"OMG! IT'S IMMORTAL MITSUHASHI!!!" she squealed.

"Who?" Mercury asked.

"A legend! When he was in high school he defeated bullies from all Japan with his genious and strenght! Not even Urameshi and me can compare to him! Well, we can in strenght, but his genious..."

"He doesn't look so great."

"He defeated a bear bare-handed, and without magic!"

"Actually it was shoed-footed." Jadeite pointed out.

"So great!!!"

"... Why immortal?" Mercury asked.

"It was when he fought a yakuza and his gang! He was stabbed, but he beated them all!"

Mercury had to admit that the guy was tough.

"Oh, when I'll tell Urameshi I beated him..." Jupiter said.

Sailor Jupiter attacked her hero. And even at the unexperienced eye of Sailor Mercury was apparent that Jadeite would won. True, Jupiter's technique in kempo was better than Jadeite/Mitsuhashi's street fighting style, but her foe was quite faster and had a longer reach and greater experience, and Jupiter hadn't been able to even touch him. Even more, Jadeite was a pervert, and his attempt's at Jupiter's breast were leaving the Sailor Senshi quite distracted.

_**"SABAO SPRAY."**_

"Dammit, Mercury, don't interfere!" Jupiter protested.

"We have to take him down. And you can still kick his ass now he can't see you."

"Right."

The fight was again one-sided, but in the other way: now Sailor Jupiter was forcing Jadeite on the defensive with lightning attack, while Jadeite could only counterattack with eye beams in the general direction of the lightnings. Then the mist started moving, condensed and nearly drowned Jupiter before Mercury could dispel it. And at that time, Jadeite was gone. And Mercury on the receiving end of Jupiter's right punch.

"Dammit, first you interfere and then you lose control of that thing!" Jupiter cried. "You'll SO p-"

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"That was when everything blacked out, I suppose because of Uranus and Neptune knocking us out before taking us here." Mercury finished. "Wait, where are Jupiter and Uranus?"

"In the other room discussing about that Mitsuhashi." Neptune said. "I take you missed the squeal..."

Pluto wished to laugh, but couldn't: for the Sabao Spray acting like that there was just one explanation, Tetraetenite was back. Also, there was still something she wished to know.

"Now, tell me, what is HE doing here?" Pluto asked while pointing Tuxedo Kamen, badly beated and tied and gagged with sado-maso items.

"It happened just before we took them with us." Neptune said.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"OK, Nep, where the hell did you learned Spock's nerve pinch?" Sailor Uranus asked.

"Malaya, it's a Dayak trick." Neptune replied. "You'd be surprised at what the headhunters can do..."

"This is Aya Reiko, on the location of the latest Sailor Senshi battle." a newly arrived journalist said in the camera. "We didn't make in time to film everything, but we know that Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mercury intercepted a youma in a bus and attacked, then entered into a fight against a human-looking being that police reports identifies as Jadeite. A second individual managed to save Jadeite from being killed by manipulating the mist summoned by Mercury. Then the two Senshi entered into a fight just broken by two other still unknown Sailor Senshi."

The two looked at the journalist, puzzled that she managed to stand near a Senshi fight (and near a crater from a stray eye beam) and survive unscathed. Then the journalist came to them and presented their business card while asking for their identities, that they gave, just before a rose entrenched itself near Uranus' foot.

"How you dare, you pervert, to dress like a Sailor Senshi! You'll pay for this and for enslaving the fair Sailor Neptune! And for trying to brainwash two other Sailor Senshi too!" Tuxedo Kamen said from a tree.

Uranus, Neptune and Aya looked around, then realized that he was talking with Uranus.

"Dear watchers, the phantom thief Tuxedo Kamen just signed his own death sentence. Please take minors away from your TV." Aya said in the camera while Neptune doubled up into laughter and Uranus eradicated the tree to take Tuxedo Kamen down.

As the scene of untold violence was about to be concluded by a point-blank World Shaking, Neptune asked her companion to stop and produced sado-maso items.

"Help me to tie him up." she said.

"You bring those with you everywhere, don't you?" Uranus asked. "I created a monster. Next is summoning Mothra... But why do you want him alive?"

"The rose is armor piercing."

"Arm-Well, thanks god I still didn't castrate him, Pluto will love that."

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"I take Pluto holds a grudge against Tuxedo Kamen." Mercury stated seeing Pluto searching for something in the middle of the torture items.

"From her past life." Neptune confirmed. "You see, if there's something I remember well from my past life it's three thing: you must never piss off Sailor Nemesis and her helper, Sailor Saturn gets sexually excited when she can destroy all lifeforms on a planet, and how this 'grudge' started."

_**FLASHBACK**_

Five off-job Sailor Senshi entered a bar in Elysion. A man glared at them, but Saturn's look while she looked at his manhood and Pluto's red eyes 'calmed' him.

"Commander, are you sure it's a good idea?" Neptune asked.

"Who's the healer?" Sailor Nemesis replied.

"You."

"And I say that sometimes you need this. And 'this' is some glasses of the highest-alcoholic Nemesian ale."

"I conc-hic!-ur!" an half-drunk redhead woman (an enchantress, judging from her pointy ears) said.

"Yes, but Pluto drank two bottles by now!" Uranus added.

"And that's why we are here." Nemesis replied.

"Hey, whaaat's happened?" Pluto asked to the redhead.

"Love." the redhead replied. "MY LOVE LEFT ME!!!"

"I undeeeeeerstand your pain, mine **sh**oo."

"FOR A POLI**SH**ICAL MARRIAGE!" they cried as one. "OH, ENDYMION!!!"

Silence fell.

"Do you talk of the same Endymion, the Prince of Golden Kingdom?" Saturn inquired.

They nodded.

"HE WAS WIIIII**SH** YOU WITH-HIC!-OUT TELLING ME!!!" the two heartbroken women said each other.

"I'll SO neuter you, Endymion!" Pluto declared.

"After me: I wanna him as my boy-toy for a while." the redhead declared. "YOU HEAR ME, ENDYMION?!?!?! YOU'LL BE MY SEX BOY-TOY IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT!!! SO SWEAR BERYL!!!"

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"Now Pluto is searching for the rusty knife and a way to send him to Beryl, the leader of the Dark Kingdom." Neptune finished.

"I think I can help." Mercury said.

* * *

The Dark Kingdom was celebrating, and Jadeite was the hero of the day: he had not only saved a youma and bested Sailor Jupiter in single combat and without any trick, but had even brought back Tetraetenite, the Tracker.

"Now, Tetraetenite, as soon as we finish celebrating you are to track and recover the other officers." Beryl declared.

"As fast as possible, please." a voice said. Then a boy appeared from the dark. "General Malachite, ready to take command of the Justice Wheel Brigade."

Silence fell, before Kunzite started the new celebration.

"How?" Beryl asked.

"Dunno, I was sleeping when I remembered, and I was lucky enough to sense Jadeite's teleporting." Malachite replied.

"Wonderful... Lieutenant Ravil, depower Metallia at once."

"You... You were about using the Great Evil again?"

"Only if needed."

**DA-DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! DA-DA-D-!**

"Hallo?" Jadeite said in his cell phone. "Oh, Riko, what's up? What? WHAT?! Wait a second..."

Jadeite turned to Beryl with a strange look on his face.

"My queen, is there any reason for Sailor Pluto leaving the Phantom Thief Tuxedo Kamen tied at my girlfriend's home instructing to tell you he uses armor-piercing roses?" Jadeite asked.

"MY SEX-TOY!!! PUU REMEMBERED!!! OH, THAT'S MY BEST DAY IN _**BOTH**_ LIFES!!!"

"I'll explain... Thetys, go and fetch the idiot." Malachite said to the puzzled Jadeite.

_AUTHOR NOTE_

I suppose you think Mitsuhashi is an OC. Actually, he's the protagonist of _Kyo Kara Ore Wa!_, and, for some reason, he's like a younger and less refined Jadeite, both in look and in character. And he actually did what Sailor Jupiter said. Only, she don't know some facts: the bear was actually a man in a suit trying to scare Mitsuhashi and friends away (Mitsuhashi never knew it was a fake, too busy gloating when it was discovered), and the 'immortal' thing was his most evil trick, faking being stabbed with a fake knife and some red liquid and then beating the crap out of the yakuza (who later confessed to be a fake one. And received another beating for scaring Mitsuhashi) and his gang.


	4. Mars and Dark Kingdom Attack!

If you are a Tuxedo Kamen fan, this is the last chapter you need to read: robyalix required that he was used as the butt of many jokes, and given that's his anime version I'll gladly comply.

by lord Martiya

**ACT 3: MARS AND DARK KINGDOM ATTACK!**

"So, you want to become our citizens. Why?"

"Jun can't really choose between his girlfriends, and Mace said you have poligamy."

"DAMN PIG! _**F-**_"

"HE'S TRYING TO CHOOSE!"

"Trying? Do tell."

"It's a long story..."

"It's a long way to Tokyo."

* * *

It was two weeks since Tuxedo Kamen had fallen into the Dark Kingdom hands, and nothing had happened since then. Well, nothing besides an increase of the UFO activity over Japan in the last two days. Now was a normal day in Juuban Middle School. Mizuno Ami had scored best in the tests again, Tsukino Usagi had trashed (literally) a bully from another school, Umino Gunrio was wooing Usagi again...

"Ladies and gentlemen, please form a line so we'll absorb a quantity of your life energy, please."

Then Malachite appeared with a squadron of youma during P.E., and somebody fired a segnalation rocket to call for the Sailor Senshi.

"Activate phase 2." Malachite ordered, and the youma took some students as hostages just two seconds before Sailor Pluto teleported on place. "Good day, Puu."

"Good day, Mar." Sailor Pluto replied, noting the situation. "I suppose you want something for those hostages."

"Acute as always. The swords."

Pluto threw a case at Malachite, who blocked and inspected the inside, producing a crystal sword similar to a schiavona.

"You were expecting this." he stated. "Yet you failed to place bombs or any trap."

"That you would find in presence of the hostages. I know you well." Pluto replied as the youma teleported away.

"That's right."

"Please, stop this folly now. What you're doing is wrong."

"You know the song: we don't know any right ways, only God knows. Well, I hope we'll meet again off-job."

Malachite teleported away, narrowly dodging a World Shaking-Deep Submerge combo.

"Damn..." Pluto said. "This will bite all of us back soon."

* * *

"Ku ku ku... Be ready, Tokyo, Sailor V is back strongest than ever." Aino Minako said after going down the plane.

"Poor Tokyo..." Artemis stated.

* * *

Rhamnous.

"And so, it begins." the dark-haired one said. "Oh, I can't wait for sis coming home so we'll sing our song..."

Pluto's prediction was right: as soon as Ami, Makoto, Tenoh Haruka/Sailor Uranus and Kaioh Michiru/Sailor Neptune had reached her and Minako in the park, there was a Youma Alert Rocket, and they transformed.

"THEY'RE THERE! FIRE!"

Coming immediatly under mortar fire, with a sniper trying to shoot Sailor Mercury with magic barrier-piercing .50 BMG bullets, a round nearly destroying her computer.

"Hello, Venus, Puu." Malachite's voice said. "I suggest you order the immediate surrender of your groups: you're surrounded, I have a teleport blocker in place and mortar fragments may hurt somebody."

"There!" Mercury cried while pointing at her left.

_**"DEEP SUBMERGE!"**_

The magically-powered ball of water exploded in the direction indicated, provoking a short rain.

"I take this attempt on one of my mortars as a no." Malachite's voice said. "Your fun- She's doing WHAT? That's your lucky day, Puu."

Silence fell, and the mortar and sniper fire ceased.

"I think they retired." Pluto said.

"But why?" Venus wondered. "And what's this noise? And why did he call you 'Puu'?"

_"We are the wooooorld! We are the Martiaaans! We are the ones who'll make a brighter day lightning your bodies!"_

"In the order, we had unexpected reinforcements, the noise is our crazy reinforcements, and 'Puu' is my favourite pet name."

"NOT THEM!" Luna cried as the reinforcements showed up.

"HOLY AGOSTINI-SAMA RIDING LOBO'S FLYING BIKE ON A STICK! I'M IN PARADISE!" Sailor Uranus exclaimed.

The two cries had their reasons: the reinforcements were an horde of Biker Mice and Motor Rats, including a few humans, the biker mouse who had placed the aidband on Luna and hundreds of high-technology, high-speed motorbikes.

"I think you owe us one." one of the humans said from her bike. Then she took off the helmet: it was Sailor Mars. "Guys, search a site for the camping, and stay ready to rock..."

"AND ROLL! AYE, QUEEN!"

"Great, she went native." Pluto said after facepalming. "Please follow me, I need to talk you all."

* * *

"That will be an issue." Beryl stated after hearing what happened with the Martians in Tokyo. "Maybe we should get to the Princess and the Silver Crystal instead of killing the Sailor Senshi."

"No worry, as Sailor Moon appears we'll get the Princess." Malachite declared.

"And why that crazy vigilante should know about the Princess' whereabouts, or even reawaken?" Zoisite asked.

"For her real identity was Her Royal Highness Serenity Tranquillity of Silver Millennium of House Silvos, Princess of Rashaver Millennium and a crapload of other princedoms, dukedoms and the likes to lose two hours with the list."

Silence fell. Then Jadeite started berating the Queen about his mission to kill Sailor Moon should she showed up against them, Beryl apologized desperately, Kunzite and Zoisite held each other, Endymion hid behind Nephrite, Nephrite fainted while remaining perfectly standing, and the other officers and youma cried in terror.

"I take I was the only one who knew..." Malachite stated. "Don't worry, she doesn't bite. Not first. And I can still defeat her easy."

* * *

Sailor Pluto was both nostalgic and pissed. Nostalgic because the scene in the headquarter was very familiar, missing only Sailor Nemesis chatting with her while looking at her clock to start the reunion, Terra and Saturn talking about blowing up things (seriously, she should have refused, that time) and the various Asteroid Senshi waiting out of the door to enter at the very last moment to get at the pre-meeting situations of the Silver Millennium. Well, Artemis and Diana were missing too, but the white Mau was being chased by an enraged Luna (she never liked being fooled) and the logorrhoic fairy was missing with her partner. Pissed because the scene included Sailor Uranus and Neptune kissing in a corner under Sailor Venus' directions, Sailor Mars polishing weapons (now laser handguns, once a huge sword) while her eyes challenged everybody to touch them and Sailor Mercury and Jupiter bickering on something (this time Mercury started it, stating that she had been able to do something against the mortars by locating one of them while Jupiter could do nothing). Then the hour came, and Pluto started the meeting.

"My fellow Sailor Senshi, we're here to discuss about our progress in the battle against the Dark Kingdom." Sailor Pluto said.

"Yeah, and where was Mars until now?" Jupiter asked, confirming once more to Pluto why Sailor Nemesis, Queen Serenity and her mother were all so fond of Nemesian ale.

"Just fighting and winning a total war against an enemy while being outnumbered, outgunned and having a tenth of their production ability and an army composed by three component that hated each other to death." Mars replied. "In the process I also learned how to drive a bike while shooting two anti-tank laser pistols like there's no tomorrow and discovered that Nemesian ale helps to deal with that stress and is very good for Molotov cocktails. I know it's not much..."

"Oh."

"Oh, I forgot: I also helped an unwilling genocide. Seriously, the Sand Raiders should have known when surrender..."

"Now that's settled, let's talk of more serious issues." Pluto continued while suppressing a smile at the memory of Uranus defeating the combined form of the Seven Great Youma with a bottle of Nemesian ale used as a Molotov cocktail. "Like the mess we're into with the Dark Kingdom. And the first one who makes questions about looking into the future will be driven mad by a lesson of temporal mechanics. I already did once with Sailor Saturn and Terra."

"Yeah, I remember we used the registration to interrogate prisoners..." Artemis said after entering, sporting the signs of Luna's fury. "It wasn't torture but teaching, so the law couldn't say anything, yet it broke everyone."

"The original plan was to have you awakened more slowly: while Sailor Venus got back into shape and located the Dark Kingdom and Uranus and Neptune stayed as a reserve and recovered a couple things we hid, you three were supposed to go with Sailor Moon searching for the Princess and the Silver Crystal, so she could make a group of friends out of you before V dropped the bombshell about Moon being the Princess."  
"Why so complicated?" Mercury asked.

"How many times did you tried to poison Jupiter during sleep?"

"Sorry, stupid question."

"YOU TRIED TO POISON ME?" Jupiter cried.

"Not yet, but I'm capable to do so, and tempted."

"We had also took steps to slow the awakening of the Dark Kingdom's officers and deal with the problem well before they could be in place, but somehow Tetraetenite got awakened a couple weeks ago, and I now expect their officers being back at their job." Pluto continued. "Now, I'll need to give you some more data on the Dark Kingdom."

"Wouldn't be easier to just awaken our past lives' memories?" Venus asked.

"Sorry, I don't know any mind magic."

Silence fell.

"Pluto, I hope you have a good explanation for this." Uranus said.

"I'm supposed to be the finest representative of my world." Sailor Pluto replied while showing Uranus a certain piece of Plutonian law stating who was permitted to learn mind magic (Sailor Pluto was not included). "Now that the stupid questions are answered, I'd start the explanation. Now, the Dark Kingdom was originally a revanchist party, first founded after the Great Sol War with the stated objective of 'avenging the backstabbing inflicted to them by the Moon servants' by war."

"As the Nazi party in post-WWI Germany?"

"Yeah, something like that. But seriously, how could the Dark Kingdom call being completely overwhelmed a backstabbing?"

"How completely?" Mars asked.

"Well, at the moment of the Nemesian intervention the Earth-Mars Alliance had a space force of six battleships, eight heavy cruisers, fourteen light cruisers, fifty-nine destroyers, fifty-nine heavy attack ships and one hundred and eight light attack ships, the the Nemesian navy, had something like seven THOUSAND between light and heavy attack ships and enough nukes to wipe out life from the entire system twenty times. I think they never accepted that the Nemesians would have remained neutral if the Alliance didn't declared the intention to track and hunt them, nor that those seven thousand ships had been built in the three years of war and completely defeated them exactly when the Moon defences were finally crumbling..."

"I think that's embarassing enough..."

"Wait, did you said seven thousand little attack ships built in three years to fight an enemy they had just met? For I recall having read something like that in a novel..." Sailor Neptune said.

"I have many hobbies and fake identities, and I once wrote a novel with a society based on the Nemesians, including that little bit. Maybe you read it." Sailor Pluto admitted. "Now, differently from the Nazis, the Dark Kingdom remained a very minor party for something like a thousand years. Then, I don't know how it happened, but its numbers started growing increasily."

"And how is that you don't know?" Pluto asked.

"At the time I was a bit busy, trying to get Endymion to be Beryl's sex toy so I could castrate him. Boy, if he could run fast... However, anticipating an insurrection the Queen levied eleven military units of youkai. And before you ask, if she just sent the Moon army on Earth there would be an insurrection for certain, that's why she assembled a foreign legion. The Eleven Brigades of Youma, as they were called, were supposed to police Earth, reacting to any terrorist action and crushing the anticipated insurrection. Only, it happened something, for I was about finally catching Endymion when Luna and Artemis entered the ballroom screaming for an insurrection in the Moon city of Rashaver Millennium followed by a general insurrection on Earth, including the Dark Kingdom Party AND the Eleven Brigades of Youma."

"Wait, you mean that those youma we are fighting are actually our own troops?" Mars exclaimed.

"Mutinied troops, but still ours. I suppose that this explains the elements from the Justice Wheel and Ares' Spear brigades fighting the Catatonians on Mars: Ares' Spear is the Martian force, and Justice Wheel has the sabotage and assassination specialists. And I have to admit that killing Cataclysm and all the other vice-commanders was a stroke of genius."

"Yeah, the commanders were so incompetent we won in two days."

"Now, the commanders and the officers of the Brigades were humans from the twelve nations of the Sol System, and I think you'll need to know at least the generals and their deputies."

Pluto snapped a finger, and an an effemminate man on a piano appeared. Mars and Uranus were half-way charging their attacks before noticing it was an hologram.

"General Zoisite of Mercury, Caduceus Brigade. Cold and calculating, but relatively inexperienced and prone to fit of rage. He's relatively easy to defeat when he's out of his home, but if he has a piano you are to run before he screws up with your brains." Pluto explained before changing hologram. "Colonel Hematite, his deputy. A capable transformist and planner, only he cannot be left alone, for his plans will ALWAYS have a glaring deficence. Next, General Kunzite of Venus, Golden Mirror Brigade."

"He looks like Saito-senpai!" Venus exclaimed.

"Hey, that's MY line!" Jupiter cried.

"That's a very bad foe: strong, intelligent, ruthless and competent." Pluto continued. "Colonel Danburite, Sailor Venus' main foe. You know him better than me."

"He's like his boss. And what a hunk..." Venus said.

"Riiight... General Azurite from Earth, Circled Cross Brigade."

"Hey! That's Cutie Kenko!"

"Uh... Well, if you know him, describe, please."

"Plain silly, but damn good at what he does. He's also good with stage magic. And if you hear an helicopter, it's actually a registration he's using to distract you and run."

"He got worse, then. His deputy, Criolite. A freaking special force veteran. His current incarnation hates the Soviet Union, and is behind the advanced weaponry the Afghan mujahideen received in the last years and the assassination of many high-ranking officers. Now, general Anorthite of the Moon, White Crescent Brigade. Unpredictable and immature, but damn good and lightning-fanatic. His deputy, colonel Anorthite, is a freaking former Royal Waterfighter."

"A WHAT?" Sailor Uranus, Neptune, Mars and Venus cried.

"A Royal Waterfighter. Meaning he can outrun a racing car without trying and manipulate water. About that, he's good enough to manipulate even magic-filled mist or, in particular conditions, BLOOD."

"Next, general Jadeite of Mars, Ares' Spear Brigade. You know him all too well: a complete bastard, and damn smart to boot. His deputy, colonel Kalunite, is his worthy assistant. General Nephrite of Jupiter, Supreme Thunder, the greatest strategist of Silver Millennium. He has a knack to find the weak spot and hit him, and has all the patience that Jadeite lacks and an annoying habit of always talking about stars and their influence. His only problem is that he's too damn contorted. Colonel Hiddenite is just a nondescript assistant, whose main role is to prevent Nephrite's plans from becoming overcomplicated and saying 'The Stars know everything' too much."

"What do you mean with 'saying 'The Stars know everything' too much'?" Neptune asked.

"That once Jadeite and Zoisite tried to kill him after he said that for twenty-seven times in six minutes. Next, general Calcite of Saturn, Silenced Earth Brigade. Basically the Shredder from the original _Teenage Mutants Ninja Turtles_ comics. A serious ninja assassin, not the bufoon from the cartoon. His deputy, Diaboleite, is more an hacker than anything, thankfully. Now, general Albite from Uranus, No More Dinosaurs Brigade."

Pluto met the stares of her fellow Senshi, both for Diaboleite seemed a GIRL and the name of the Brigade.

"Dinosaurs were extincted by an asteroid." Pluto explained. "And don't understimate this guy, he's even more devious than Jadeite, but, thankfully, not as phisically fit or intelligent. On the intelligent part, still, the difference is minimal. And his deputy Pyrite is his apprentice. Thankfully the girl is still unexperienced. And of the Eleven Brigades, these were the easy guys."

The other Senshi looked at her like she had grow another head, while Pluto sipped some tea.

"You see, eight of the Brigades were made just of strong yokai warriors, took as they were and trained to not kill each other with friendly fire in battle and obey the officers provided by the armies." Pluto explained. "But the Neptunian Empire, the Minecracy of Pluto and the Commonwealth of Nemesis did more: they, WE trained our brigades in what we do best in war."

A second later two HUGE figures appeared in the hologram. And the Sailors immediatly noted a difference: where the previous generals and colonels had chosen their respective armies' duty uniforms for the official pictures Pluto was showing them, these two were wearing Neptunian battle armor.

"General Aragonite and colonel Magnetite, Death's Fork Brigade. Aragonite's the slightly bigger one with a robotic arm." Pluto presented them. "I don't know them well. Frankly, they scares me a lot more than the average Neptunian."

Most presents looked at her funny, but not Uranus.

"I suppose Nep here is a typical average Neptunian, personality wise." Uranus asked.

"Yes." Pluto admitted.

"Well, then I know why you're scared."

"Exactly."

"Hey!" Neptune protested, to no avail.

"Who's the one that proposed traveling back in time, stealing Tsar Bomb and force one of those so-called Daimons to smuggle it into their headquarter AFTER we determined it was in Tokyo?" Uranus replied.

"A necessary sacrifice."

At that point, Mars understood. She and her Martians were so feared because they didn't gave a shit about collateral damage and were heavy weapons otaku, but after the battle they felt a bit sorry if they killed some civilians, and during it they TRIED to not kill them. These Neptunians were WORSE.

"As you probably deduced, for all their refined culture Neptunians at war are world killers and heavy hitters. The exact reason why Poseidon and Neptune were venerated as gods of EARTHQUAKES by ancient Greeks and Romans: they tended to use megaton-level nuclear warheads as tactical weapons. And of the last three brigades, those guys are the less dangerous to us."

General glomming.

"Next, general Adamite and colonel Mimetite, Platinum Works Brigade." Pluto continued. "Yes, Venus?"

"While I think it's just a coincidence Adamite looks like one of my classmates..." Venus started, being promptly interrupted.

"Maybe, maybe not. The problem with him was that he was quite an unsufferable nerd, and out of pity to the world I separated his soul so his nerdiness would be divided between three people until awakening. Awaken one of them would cause their reunion. And great sufference to the Dark Kingdom."

* * *

"OK, what's happening?" Endymion asked Malachite. "Last time I checked, the Shitennou hated each other, yet they're talking without even mocking each other."

"They were in the same room with Adamite for ten minutes together and found friendship in the terrible torture." Malachite replied.

"Oh, come on, he cannot be so terrible!"

"I concur." Adamite said after sneaking behind him while Malachite teleported away. "By the way, did you watched _Mira Sentai Timeranger_ yesterday?"

"I actual-"

Poor Endymion would suffer for five hours about something he didn't care: the then latest Super Sentai series and his possible adaptation in the Power Rangers franchise (Adamite guessed the name right: _Power Rangers: Time Force_).

* * *

"OK, maybe it's not a coincidence he looks alike Amano, but why the hell Mimetite looks like Kabuto from _Naruto_?" Venus continued.

"Not only as look, also as a character." Pluto replied. "And I was wondering too."

"But what this Brigade does?" Uranus asked.

"Intelligence. Meaning they're trying to deduce who we are so they'll cut our throats during sleep. And now, the worst: general Malachite and his deputy Moganite."

They weren't all that impressive to look. Sure, Moganite was a stunning dark-skinned beauty, but she didn't look all that dangerous, and Malachite... Well, he was just a bespectacled boy with a black Nemesian army fatigue and a trenchcoat.

"They don't look all that dangerous, do them?" Pluto admitted. "The thing is, the Justice Wheel Brigade was not made of warriors, but of soldiers."

At that, Mars cursed loudly.

"I see you can appreciate the danger." Pluto said. "Warriors fights with their individual ability and have a code of honor. Soldiers fight as groups, and their code of honor is simply 'don't kill the ones who surrender or can't fight', and is not all that respected. Moganite is an extremely experienced soldier with a very good aim, and Malachite... Well, there is a reason if, in spite of leaving the daily job to his more experienced subordinates, he was considered undefeatable by anything less than a Sailor Senshi. And I already had doubts on that before he kicked me back to the Hellmouth during the battle of Silver Mille-."

THUMP!

Sailor Venus fainted.

"I understand you got memories of him in that battle..." Pluto stated. "Well, anyone has ideas on how we deal with them?"

* * *

In Sailor Venus' dream.

"Great Dolphin..."

Sailor Venus was looking at Uranus and Neptune, lying on the ground of Silver Millennium. Before her, hundreds of youma, their flags declaring them the Justice Wheel Brigade, led by a being with twelve angelic wings full of eyes. Suddendly, the mighty force she commanded, including Sailor Mars, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter, two Lancers cohorts, a decuria of Royal Waterfighters and Sailor Moon in person, didn't look all that mighty.

"What are you doing here, Moon?" the being asked, his voice revealing him as Malachite while the wing covering his face move, giving other evidence.

"Aren't you about passing inside Astartesnium?" Moon replied.

"We are. I know that suburb is populated by workers and the likes, and our passage inside it will cause collateral damage when Her Royal Assholery's minions will try to stop us, but after Saturn's exhibition on Metallia we're kinda on a clock... Please let us pass, uh?

"On my dead body."

"Now, now, I'll try to spare you... Just brace, OK?"

_**"ROLLING HEART VIBRATION!"**_

Venus' powerful attack flew to the angelic figure, dissolving even before reaching the wings.

"How rude." Malachite stated unsheating his sword.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Venus woke up screaming, deafening the presents.

"Uh... Anyone knows about some Angel with twelve eye-filled wings?" Venus asked.

"It's a Kabbalistic description of the Angel of Death, why?" Luna replied.

"Just found out where that description come from. And why do you know about Kabbalistism?"

"Kabbalah. And Rabbis are surprisingly tolerant, if you give them an intelligent talk."

The presents decided it was too much information.

* * *

In the Dark Kingdom, Malachite had reported on the exact composition of the Martian expeditionary force.

"I see... We'll need to take the Sailors out fast and in one strike, then." Beryl stated. "Malachite, Nephrite, here's your new mission."

"I'm listening." Nephrite said, while Malachite simply produced a Moleskine and a pen.

"Adamite recently informed me of what happened to the Seven Great Youma."

"That simil-sentai group with a combo form that joined when the Revolution started?" Malachite asked.

"Yes, them. They were sealed into the Rainbow Crystals, that can be found into six humans and a cat in Japan."

"The Rainbow Crystals... Then we could get the Silver Crystal without even finding Sailor Moon!" Nephrite exclaimed.

"Plus those guys. They were quite good, especially for 'civilians'..." Malachite stated. "Do we know who these poor guys are?"

"Only two of them: one of the humans and the cat." Adamite said. "Oh, there was also some person trying to give you this."

Adamite gave Malachite a letter, promptly readed.

"Oh, Great Elements..." he commented. "My old teacher is still alive, and on Earth. It could be a problem."

"Why so?" Beryl inquired.

"Well... Ever heard of Sailor Galaxia?"

"It was a Sailor Senshi who refused to use her official title, favoring her name preceeded by the 'Sailor' part. Why?"

* * *

Scientifical station in Iceland.

"We're detecting some sort of earthquake at D Point, over the Artic Circle..." a technician stated. "Strange..."

"What's strange?" a fellow technician asked.

"The readings. They don't look like an earthquake, they look like a-a... a scream of terror."

_AUTHOR NOTE_

It was years I wanted to write a scene of Sailor Mars leading the Biker Mice From Mars in battle, and, finally, I did it. For the deputies, some of them are actually SM characters. In particular, the deputies of the Shitennou: Hematite, Kalunite and Hiddenite took the place of the respective Shitennou in a musical (and Hematite had once a good idea to beat Galaxia, ensnaring Chibi Chibi (who Galaxia appeared to fear) and use her power against her with a fake Chibimoon. Then he had to dress as Chibimoon and actually expected Chibi Chibi to fall for that... Look on Youtube under Shitennou Fun), while Danburite appeared in the _Sailor V_ manga (where everything started) as Kunzite's envoy to drain energy from Japan and Sailor V enemy and true love. Cutie Kenko is instead another Sailor V foe, more accurately the 'villain' from the Live Action _Act 0: The Birth of Sailor V_, and one of the silliest foes ever appeared in the entire franchise (the helicopter noise trick was actually used in the _Act 0_, and that's one of the less silly things he did). The Royal Waterfighters are an idea of mine, inspired by Serenity's white-clad youma in the Live Action (their uniform and speed) and _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ Waterbenders (the water manipulation power).

About Amano Gurizaku, he's another _Sailor V_ character, and the prototype for Umino Gunrio (who looks and acts EXACTLY like him, only his crush is on Minako instead of Usagi).


	5. The Seven Great Youma

Warning: the Seven Great Youmas and Urawa are a bit crazy, in this chapter. Well, the Seven are, Urawa's just pissed with Bunbo.

by lord Martiya

**ACT 4: THE SEVEN GREAT YOUMA**

"Well?" the famous idol Kaioh Michiru and her bodyguard Tenoh Haruka, A.K.A. Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus, asked their guest, the self-proclaimed Goddess of Love Aino Minako, A.K.A. Sailor Venus (Sailor V for short).

"They were more screwed up than the Triwizard Tournament." Minako replied. Then, seeing their looks, explained herself: "Spoiler of the next _Harry Potter_ novel, JKR was kind enough to let me read the manuscript after I Sailor V Kicked the youma who took her daughter as an hostage."

The two Outer Senshi exchanged a look, and decided it was better not asking what she was doing in Britain in her free time.

"Why were they fighting all the time?" Michiru asked.

"Long story short, she's a shinigami and he's a yokai who tried to take over the world because Pluto's lackeys, the other shinigami, didn't care of finding his sister kidnapped by humans, and he was sentenced to help against more aggressive yokai. Until then, she keeps him in her home, and they're trying to give each other some little help."

"And they're fighting about helping?"

"Well, she was trying to make him more sociable but the guy is a loner who once hunted thieves to eat them, and because of his yokai's species particular physiology he believed that women would ALWAYS get pregnant of a male and die of childbirth if they have sex so he scared away anything looking male and even her female friends in the process."

"... At least now I know why he reacted that bad at me until he realized I was a girl..." Haruka stated.

"Will they stop fighting?" Michiru asked.

"I unwillingly stimulated the shinigami's maternal instincts when I tricked her charge into revealing the story of his life..." Minako admitted with a shy smile. That immediatly changed to a predatory one: "And I left inside a lit incense burner: with a little luck they'll believe it's an aphrodisiac an-"

The wall exploded, and a little guy looking like a cuter Vegeta entered with an incense burner.

"We didn't fall for it." he stated before leaving.

"You know we asked you to stop this, don't you?" Michiru asked Minako.

"SAY WHAT?" a voice cried.

And Minako immediatly went to the crier. The shinigami.

**PURPLE RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: BAKENE, OR THE ANIMAL LOVER**

"OK, Nephrite, you were the one who knew these guys best. What should we expect by the cat in this house?" Malachite asked.

"A very fat cat who do not host Bakene but IS Bakene in feline form." Nephrite replied. "And he's fucking lazy."

"Meow."

"Bakene, I don't care if you resent that, you ARE fucking lazy. Terrible in combat, but still lazy."

Nephrite didn't miss a beat while turning to speak with the FAT cat a little girl was holding. And the cat was meowing back.

"Well, you're right on that, but I didn't know of the child, or I would have used a more polite language." Nephrite replied.

"Who are you?" the little child asked.

"Protectors of Earth, in a way." Malachite replied. "World conquerors wannabee, in another. And we need the power hidden in your cat."

"Me-meow meow?"

"Why did Rhett said you'd end destroy the world?" the little child asked.

"Well, it was possible, with a previous tactic we were trying." Malachite replied, not baffled at all by the fact the girl could understand her cat meowing. "Thankfully we convinced the boss to abandon it, and we're draining Metallia as we speak."

"Meow?"

"We don't lie, Bakky!" Nephrite intervened. "You'd kick my ass if I tried..."

"Meow. Meow meow meo-ow?"

"I know, I know, but we may need your help once in a while. Listen, we give you the ability to retransform at will and will call if needed, OK?"

The cat nodded, and the little girl let him go, where Nephrite proceeded in transforming him into the youma Bakene while extracting his Rainbow Crystal. Then Bakene returned cat on his own.

"Thank you, Ohara-chan, for sopporting our visit." Malachite said.

"How do you know my name?" the girl asked, suspecting something.

"Read here."

Malachite pointed at her home's mail box.

"And why weren't you weirded out by me understanding my cat meowing without having a special power?" the girl still asked.

"I have two dogs." Malachite replied. "Now, let me, Malachite, and my companion, Nephrite, go and find your cat's companions. Here's my phone address, just in case."

When away from the child, Nephrite asked how Malachite was not weirded out by the entire situation.

"I HAVE two dogs, and we can speak with each other. Not that well, but Bakene is clearly smarter than common dogs." Malachite replied.

"... OK, let's go and take the other crystal." Nephrite said while pointing the school where the crystal and the youma were. The Juuban Junior High School.

"You know, according to Adamite one of the Sailor Senshi study in that school. He didn't narrow her out yet, but it's better being cautious."

"Don't worry, I've got a plan. A simple one, for once."

**YELLOW RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: BUNBO, OR NEVER KEEP A STUDENT UP TOO MANY NIGHTS IN A ROW**

It was a normal day in Usagi's class. At least until two Catholic priests entered it armed with crosses and holy water. Then they spotted a student with VERY dark circles around his eyes, who greeted them.

"Nephrite! Malachite! Finally! I couldn't bear Bunbo anymore!" he greeted them. "Come on, take the moron out!"

"So much for my plan..." Nephrite said while taking off the exorcist outfit.

"What kind of madman could have expected Urawa to call us?" Malachite replied after taking off his exorcist outfit. "By the way, how?"

"The sealing was less than perfect, and by being inside me Bunbo can see the future and gives me some hint." the boy, Urawa, said. "That's how I knew you would come: it's since you changed tactics that the bastard's cheering and keeping me awake every single night. That's also why I left a copy of the list of the other hosts of the Rainbow Crystals and the Seven Great Youma in the shoe lockers of all the girls of the school: still didn't narrow her down, but Sailor Mercury is in this school."

"WHY?" Nephrite cried.

"To get some laugh at your attempts to get them while defended. Here's your cop-"

Nephrite punched Urawa down and took the list before taking Bunbo out. And giving him a good kick in the balls for the hell he caused them.

"Stupid son of a-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S AN IMPENDING ZOMBIE OUTBREAK IN SARAYASHIKI? !"

Everyone looked at Malachite, who was speaking at his standard issue Dark Kingdom cell phone. And he wasn't pleased. Finally he closed the call.

"It was Bakene. Somebody just released a few hundred thousands demonic bugs in the city, and the bugs will infest and zombify any psycho, disturbed or rage-filled people they meet." Malachite summed up. "Kitty met one of Puu lackey's, and she's searching their agent to go and kill the culprit and destroy the flute enabling the bugs to even exist in this world, but it may take a while... Only good part, Sailor Venus was there when she received the news, and she's already on the hunt."

"Wait, Sailor Venus as in Sailor V?" a random girl asked.

"Yes, he-"

"Who cares of V? !" Tsukino Usagi cried. "With my luck the agent is my idiotic bloodbrother, and the bastards will try and take out his girlfriend!"

"I'm with you, Usagi-chan!" a brunette said.

"Me too!" a boy looking creepily alike Adamite announced. "Don't worry, Usagi-chan, I'll pledge my entire brigade to you!"

It was at that point that Malachite and Nephrite registered that in the class there was Umino Gunrio, one of the three reincarnations and the chosen identity of Adamite. And he was summoning a good chunk of his Brigade of Youma. The two generals facepalmed as Tsukino, her friend (Naru, Tsukino called her), Ami, the Caucasian redhead of the class, two normal-looking students (they couldn't possibly be normal, not if they were in Tsukino's group) and Adamite with his Brigade left the class.

"OK, the zombie outbreak is as good as dealt with, let's just find the guys before the Sailor Senshi." Malachite stated while recovering Bunbo. "And before you ask, she got separated by her family and adopted, according to Adamite's file in the Potentially Dangerous list. You'll like the thing, it's complicated like your plans."

The two generals teleported out, and the teacher dismissed the class for the day: after that, nobody would be able to listen her.

"And it was such a nice day..." she complained.

**RED AND BLUE RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: GESEN AND RIKOUKEIDAR, OR NEVER BRING GUNS AT THE ARCADE OF WAR**

The two generals hadn't believed in their luck when they found that Crane Game Joe and Nishimura Reika, respectively hosts of Gesen and Rikoukeidar, were in the very same place, the Game Center Crown. There HAD to be a downside. Apart the fact that Crane Game Joe kinda loved Gesen's telekynesis and both Reika and her boyfriend (who worked there and was the son of the owners) had pepper spray with them.

"OK, we have subdued them. Now free the Youmas." Malachite said after bounding and gagging the trio.

Nephrite was about to act when he was hit by the Crescent Beam.

"Sailor Ven-THE GAME?" Malachite cried as he noticed they were under attack from the Sailor V Game machine.

_"All your game centers are belongs to me!"_ was the cry of Artemis, as his face appeared on the game machine screen. _"FOOLS! DID YOU BELIEVE THAT THE SAILOR V GAME MACHINES WERE JUST GAME MACHINES?"_

Malachite and a recovering Nephrite pulled out a handgun each and riddled the game machine with bullets.

"Not really." Malachite replied.

"Didn't you have a Desert Eagle like all of us?" Nephrite asked.

"This is a Smith & Wesson .44 Second Model, the pistol Indiana Jones used with the Arab Swordsman. I own one just for this kind of situations."

The two generals had then to fight and defeat all the gamers before they were able to free and send at D Point the two Youma.

**ORANGE RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: BOXY, OR APOCALYPSE NOW**

The two generals had reached the priest hosting Boxy, and tied him up.

"OK, n-DUCK!" Malachite cried.

The generals jumped with the priest, narrowly avoiding a World Shaking and the consequent explosion. The two looked up, and saw an helicopter piloted by Sailor Uranus flying over them while Sailor Neptune played her violin.

"Isn't that music the _Ride of the Valkyryes_?" Nephrite asks.

"Just keep this guy a moment." Malachite replied before handing him the priest and shooting down the helicopter with an energy blast.

Uranus emerged from the wreck unscathed but pissed at the destruction of the flying machine, while Neptune was beyond mad.

"YOU! HOW YOU DARE? !"

"Shooting you down?" Malachite replied.

"SCRATCHING THE CATTEDRALE MARINA!"  
"Cat-OH, PORCA VACCA! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A STRADIVARI!"

Nephrite and Uranus could only exchange an exasperated look as the two considered a violin more important than human lives or the mission.

"What's so special about that violin?" Nephrite asked.

"Five years ago it was worth four million dollars." Uranus replied. "Wait, what's th-"

The youma Boxy gave Uranus a very powerful uppercut, sending her flying while Nephrite got an evil laugh. At that point Malachite noticed, apologized one last time and teleported away with Nephrite and the youma, leaving the priest on place.

"Wasn't he wearing a cassock?" Neptune wondering while looking the now vest-wearing priest.

**GREEN RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: BINAH, OR HOW I LOVE TELEPORT**

Sailor Pluto was in Yumeno Yumemi's house. The young and celebrated artist was Binah's host, so the Sailor Senshi came to defend her. And accidentally solved her self esteem problems. Yet, the artist was a little peeved.

"Why can't I go to the window?" she asked.

"It's just a temporary measure, until we can get Sailor V to expel the demon." Pluto explained. "In the meantime, we must prevent the Dark Kingdom from taking you."

"But the window?"

"The enemy has a sniper, and forced teleport ammo do exist. We mus-"

The room wall got slightly damaged, and then Yumemi disappeared as hit by forced teleport ammo. Pluto would later find her after Nephrite had already extracted the youma and the Crystal, with her a note from Malachite boasting about his deputy's ability to ricochet rounds and spelling the evil laugh. A building scheduled for demolition would later be destroyed by an unexplicable volcanic eruption. Witness would describe a beautiful dark skinned woman cackling during the eruption and commenting it had been a good venting.

**INDIGO RAINBOW CRYSTAL RECOVERY: JIJI, OR THE WAY OF THE MARTIAN DRAGON**

Chiba Mamoru, or, better, Prince Endymion wearing his body, was at the entrance of Hikawa Shrine. According to Jadeite, there was a distinct probability the resident miko Hino Rei was Sailor Mars, so he had been sent to take her away. And was taking the girl on a date.

"You really expected me to fall for this, Endymion?" Rei asked before pushing him down the stairs, transforming and returning to her grandfather. Who incidentally was Jiji's host.

"Bad day..." he complained while recovering.

Then he noted Sailor Jupiter making a good impression of Bruce Lee before the final fight in _Way of the Dragon_.

"You do realize you're the kitty and I'm Tang and Colt at once, don't you?" Endymion replied after transforming in his true self.

* * *

"I get Endymion failed..." Malachite stated.

It started well. Endymion got Rei away, then Nephrite and him extracted Jiji and the Crystal from her grandfather. Then Jiji proved himself nothing more than a beast, and while the two generals tied him up a full regiment of Martians popped out while Sailor Mars got the Crystal and gave him to one of her ravens to hid it.

"Dear generals, you can surrender or experiment my soldiers' laser guns." Mars said. "The choice is yOUCH!"

Sailor Mars was hit by something, and in those few seconds she needed to recover the two generals and the youma escaped. Not that Mars would have attacked them: she was too busy screaming in surprise and terror at the projectile that hit her, for the projectile was Sailor Jupiter bound, gagged and completely knocked out. And to add insult to injury, on her back she had a note from Endymion stating that 'She was in the way of the dragon. Cue screaming kitty'. Apparently Pluto had been right warning them that Endymion may act silly but was quite capable in hand to hand combat...

**DARK KINGDOM'S EPILOGUE**

"You failed, Malachite." Beryl stated. "You failed me."

"Only a part of the mission." Malachite replied. He knew that Beryl, in spite of recovering Endymion, was still crazy enough to try and punish him with death or worse for the less than complete success, and she knew that he would never let her do the job and could take on Metallia and win. They knew their respective force, and he basked in it. "Besides, that was the less important part, and we can still get that Crystal."

"How?"

For the first time EVER, the four generals of Venus, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter were fully agreeing on something that was not Adamite being a living torture or some of the silliest traditions of the Silver Millennium: Malachite's plan was crazy but efficient.

"But before this, I need to know that Sailor Moon shall not interfere, and I need 100% security." Malachite said.

"Give me the day of the operation and 50.000 yen and I'll keep her out of your way." Endymion declared. "And no, you don't wish to know: how I met her for the first time is too silly even for me."

**SAILOR SENSHI'S EPILOGUE**

"I warned you..." Pluto said. "I SO warned you this would happen... Anyway, we still have a Rainbow Crystal. Now we just need them to try and get it and we'll get the decisive advantage."

Luna, Artemis, Mars, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune looked her like she had grown another head.

"Oh, yes, you don't remember... As soon as the Rainbow Crystals are reunited and adequately charged, a thing I can do easily, the Silver Crystal will materialize itself and summon the Princess. And they don't know. Any question?"

"Yes: where the hell is Ami?" Jupiter asked.

"With Tsukino Usagi."

* * *

"Please repeat that..." professor Takenaka said.

"Sure! Sailor V is dealing with an attempted zombie apocalypse while my brother, the tall guy with a flat face, the cute foxy guy and the cuter Vegeta get the fucker who released the zombiefing insects. And given the bastard is not stupid, we expect he'll try and get my future sister in law as an hostage, so we came to protect her." Usagi replied cheerfully in the class of what was not her school, with the brunette Osaka 'Youma Bait' Naru (Jadeite gave her the nickname after she got drained five times and he found out she was the daughter of the jewelry seller he had replaced with a youma), Ami, Adamite, the redhead and the two other girls.

"And your brother is..."

"Yusuke. When our parents divorced there was a mess, I got with daddy, then the judge took me from the bastard and I got adopted, and..."

"And that youma's name?"

"Millennia ago, the name Masterbems meant 'He who command monsters'." Adamite replied. "Now, it just sounds perverted. Anyway, he's the best at hunting animals."

Takenaka wondered what he had done to deserve that.

_AUTHOR NOTE_

Yes, I made the child took in hostage by the London Youma the daughter of JK Rowling. Minako is full of surprises, and that's one of them. Her ability to fluently speak English revealed in the S season was apparently supposed to be another, but we knew she lived in London for a while since the first season...

In the manga the Sailor V Game machine of the Game Center Crown was made by Artemis, and is often used as a trainer and as an item distributor (and as a mean for Minako to speak with Usagi well before she entered the frame. Bet she got some fun out of that). Add the anime function of communicator between Artemis and Luna, and frankly I'm wondering what else the alien cat hid in the game machine...  
About Michiru's violin, the name Cattedrale Marina is the Italian translation of the name given in the manga, Marine Chatedral, as an Italian violin maker giving his work an English name would make no sense. And I don't care if most people would call it a Stradivarius, Malachite is from the maker's home city and use his real name.

Boxy's host changed clothing in the anime too: before being transformed into the youma he was wearing a cassock and a collar, when Sailor Moon reverted him back he was wearing a vest and delivered a sermon while holding a Bible.

Yes, Malachite has the same gun Indiana Jones used in the most iconic 'swordfight' of movie history.

Yes, Sailor Venus has exorcizing powers similar to Sailor Moon's. She only showed them in the _Code Name: Sailor V_ manga (usually to eliminate the toxic waste left by dead youma, but she also used them to heal youma victims and the like), but she still has them.

About Michiru's violin: in the manga it's called Marine Chatedral and stated being a Stradivarius. Now, Marine Chatedral in Italian is 'Cattedrale Marina', and me being Italian I think I would know the correct name of an Italian violin. Also, Malachite is from its maker's hometown, hence why he called the violin with the maker's actual name instead that the Latinized version.

The final fight of _Way of the Dragon_ is wonderful, and got a kitty giving the start. Go and watch it.

I didn't make up the result of Jupiter and Endymion's fight: in episode 41 they fought hand to hand, and Endymion trashed her. And by 'trashed' I mean he easily blocked or sidestepped all her attacks, then started reacting and got her tripping on a trash can before leaving (he was in a hurry). And he was even HOLDING BACK, while Jupiter went all out. In the end it was needed Mercury acting as a distraction for Jupiter stunning him with a Supreme Thunder and Moon getting him Moon Healing Escalated, and even that was a close thing. Here, he was a little peeved at what had just happened and didn't hold back, while Jupiter understimated him a second too much.

Masterbems is not my character. He's a youma in an hentai comic, commanding an army of monsters but ending eated by the biggest (bigger than Godzilla) and mightiest of them, The Great Monster Mothership Yer-Anus. Blame the man calling himself Black Dog for this.


	6. The Silver Crystal

This chapter was a little difficult to write. The only scene I had clear was the 'exchange', and I had to justify it somehow. Also, I was wondering how to introduce another partial OC, and I got the idea during college. Read and review, or Sailor Moon will punish you in the name of the Moon!

by lord Martiya

**ACT 5: THE SILVER CRYSTAL**

The Bay of Tokyo was quiet. Apart the Dark Kingdom members standing on the waters.

"Are you ready?" Malachite asked. "Remember, I need Sailor Moon to stay the hell away from us today."

"Don't worry, I know how to keep her out of harm's way." Endymion replied.

"Do you really need the money?"

"It's that or holding a bunny rabbit hostage. And as you know, she'll then kill me in my sleep."

"True."

Malachite let Endymion go and looked at his assets for the mission. The DD Girls, Thetys and Moganite from his own Brigade, a few heavy hitters (even for their Brigade) from Death's Fork and the two heavy hitters from Platinum Works (after all they may be the Brigade with the lowest average, but, thanks to Adamite getting into Mare Fecunditatis' good grace they got the two single strongest assets of the entire Dark Kingdom short of himself), tamers included. Plus his bait.

"Well, it will be difficult, but short of something strange happening we'll win this easy." he declared. Then, after a few minutes and receiving word of Sailor Moon being out of their way from Endymion, he said: "Masterbems, Maraviollantes, go!"

Do you remember when I said they were standing on the waters? Well, I was wrong: they were standing on two monsters easily bigger than Godzilla swimming just under the surface, one looking like a cross between a whale and a small planet and the other like a giant chibified and winged Sailor Moon. And the monsters were now invading Tokyo.

"I'd like to see the faces of the JSDF commanders..." Malachite mused.

* * *

A strange teenaged (if the gorilla-sized one was a teenager like the others) quartet was in the docks of the Minato ward. How strange? Well, the leader had Yugi Muto-style hairdo and hair color, one of them was gorilla-sized, the youngest was naturally green haired and the girl carried a fortune in gold jewels. Also, their clothes were similar to some unidentified Native American tribe, if you forget the green cloaks. Finally, the high technology instruments they were using on a small votive shrine were quite strange.

"And another set has been freed into the environment." sentenced the leader. "Now, let's find an-Dunga, what are you looking at?"

"I swear I'll stop alcoholics." the giant declared. "I'm seeing a giant chibi Sailor Moon..."

The rest of the team looked in the same direction, and saw the chibi.

"You're not allucinating." the leader stated.

Then the foursome exchanged a look.

"BRIGADES OF YOUMA!"

* * *

"Aya Reiko, for Ginga TV. Why did the Dark Kingdom deployed two kaijuu?" the impavid journalist asked Malachite.

"First of all, I'd like to state we took offence at the Eastern Army treatment of us." Malachite started. "I mean, they have their troops and headquarter in Nerima, we first appeared one hour ago, I'd expect them to send something worth of Godzilla and Mothra joining forces to destroy mankind. I wasn't expecting the _Gotengo_, but they sent only fifty Type 90 and twenty Type 96, for Elements' sake!"

"... Shouldn't you be happy they understimated you?"

"I have a reputation, miss Reiko. And they should thank their gods that we are not hostile."

"Not hostile? But you have..."

"Two daikaiju I took with me for safety. I'm here for a bargain with the Sailor Senshi, and as there's little trust and no love between our groups I decided to play safe. Well, there is a little love, but I doubt that Sailor V knows she has an admirer in our troops."

* * *

"Ha! I knew it!" Minako declared from the Sailor Senshi headquarter. "Venus Charm Rules! Artemis, pay up."

Grumbling, the white cat paid his partner, with the other Sailor Senshi wondering what kind of boss the Inner Senshi had. Then, Ami voiced that thought.

"Trust me, you don't want to see her getting serious." Artemis declared.

* * *

"And what bargain you wish to conduct with them?" Aya Reiko asked.

Malachite showed them the Rainbow Crystals.

"These crystals are an incomplete rainbow themed set. We wish to complete the set with the crystal the Sailor Senshi recovered before us." he explained. "Should they fail to come... Well, camera, please take a look there."

The cameraman took a look on the necklace that the giant Sailor Moon had. And there it was another Sailor Moon, with Thetis ready to gut her.

* * *

"You know, you guys are a bunch of bastards." Tsukino Usagi commented from the Fruit Parlor Crown where she was watching Ginga TV and eating Mamoru-provided ice cream. "Do you think they'll fall for it?"

"They can't take the risk." Mamoru answered.

* * *

"Sailor Senshi, bring your Rainbow Crystal in one hour, or else..." Malachite finished. "By the way, we suggest that the JSDF gets away from here. Enough not to be involved should things get violent, but not enough not to keep Elizamenes and Yer-Anus in range of their guns. And no, I didn't decide the names, and their tamers refuse to change them. Wait, what is your cameraman doing?"

Reiko looked her cameraman, shaking while looking at the DD Girls.

"Are they reading _Keroro Gunso_?" she asked.

"Yes, why?"

"She's named Hinata Aki, and is quite flat."

The cameraman attacked the DD Girls and managed to destroy their comic, while destroying the camera in the process.

"The boss won't love this..."

"Lord Malachite! Lord Malachite!"

Malachite turned, and saw the strange teenaged group emerging from the sea while riding some strange shark.

Malachite went and spoke to them.

"WHAT? OK, as soon as this is finished we'll come to Elysion. How did it survive?"

The Sailor Senshi left the Crown in a hurry to save Sailor Moon. And somehow, nobody noted five girls, two women (one sexy and one tomboyish) and two cats popping out of the newly replaced Sailor V Game. Nobody but the girl who had just beaten Minako's record, winning a strange pin.

"The Crystal Star..." she commented while looking it and signing her score as 'Nem'. "Well, an infiltration spared."

She teleported the compact away before teleporting herself.

* * *

The Sailor Senshi had come to the exchange place.  
"Free Sailor Moon." Pluto ordered.

"The crystal, please." Malachite replied, holding Sailor Moon with a knife to the throat. "Come on, place the crystal here..."

Pluto looked around. She recognized the heavy hitters from Death's Fork and how bad the situation was. She didn't recognize the strange quartet, but she could guess they were some kind of danger. So, she threw the CHARGED Indigo Rainbow Crystal with the others.  
"SUCKERS!" was Sailor Moon cry as she threw her fuku and SKIN, revealing herself being Zoisite.

That was when the Silver Crystal disappeared.

"Ok, the hell?" Malachite asked.

"They don't have it." Zoisite said.

"It's with the Princess. Suckers." Pluto explained. "Well, it has been a nice business."

At that point Malachite's cell phone woofed (it was the ringtone).

"What's up, Endymion?" he asked to the phone. "Yes, it's the Silver Crystal. Can't you grab it?"

"WHAT?" was the Senshi cry.

"I think she was joking, she won't use a rusty knife. Return to the staging point, you're returning HOME. Well, my ladies, we got beaten by your princess. Adios."

The two giant monsters were reduced in dimensions, Yer-Anus (the whale-planet) to a small ball and Elizamenes to a small doll, then the Dark Kingdom group teleported away with the quartet.

"OK, what the hell did just happen?" Minako asked.

"Dunno."

* * *

"GO FOR IT, BOSS!"

"SUFFUCATE HER!"

"LOVE HER TO DEATH!"

"-"

"DIANA! SHUT UP!"

"OK, explain." Zoisite said.

"Well, you know they were about to marry in their past lives, don't you?" Endymion replied nonchalantly.

"THE WHOLE GALAXY KNEW IT! WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT THE HELL SAILOR MOON, SAILOR NEMESIS AND DIANA THE MOON FAIRY ARE DOING HERE!"

"Well, when I told Sailor Moon I had to go to Elisyon she tagged along, but before that she transformed and called Nemesis, who came with the-"

"-"

SPLAT!

"-overchatting miscreant I just shut up."

Zoisite pinched his nose, then teleported the group (including the kissing couple) at the coordinates the quartet gave them for Elysion main entrance. And that was when they found there was something strange: the cover village had been burned to the ground, and there was some kind of yokai as guards.

"In the name of Nehellenia, surrender yourself!"

Nemesis and Malachite stopped kissing and looked them BAD, before a strange music started playing.

"You burned this village to the ground and interrupted the reunion of two long-lost lovers! Unforgivable! I'm the beautiful guardian of justice! I'm Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon I'll punish you!"  
The guards exchanged a WTF look.

_**"MOON TWILIGHT FLASH!"**_

_AUTHOR NOTE_

Mare Fecunditatis is a partial OC that will appear in the future. She's also related to the Silver Millennium royal family, hence her being named after a Lunar Mare (Queen Serenity and Princess Serenity are both named after the Mare Serenitatis).

As you can verify, the headquarter of the Eastern Army of the Japan Self Defence Ground Force is in the Nerima ward of Tokyo. Also, in 2008 the troops of the have been added to the local garrison. I wonder if Takahashi-sensei had this in mind when she placed there _Ranma 1/2_...

The _Gotengo_ is a flying battleship in the Toho monster movies. Notable for being the only thing built by man that could actually harm Godzilla (too bad that the armor can't resist the Atomic Breath).

Simple fact: Minako's personality remained the same in the manga, the anime and the Live Action. And whenever she got pissed or serious, somebody got seriously hurt. If you don't believe, just read chapter 7 of the _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, and watch episode 52 of the anime and the act 46 of the Live Action (about the last one, keep in mind that Minako would die by an unspecified illness in the following episode, and she wasn't at her best).


	7. Character Differences Sheet

I decided to give you a character sheet with the differences between some of our canon anime/manga/MUSICAL/Live Action characters and their _Without Moon_ counterparts. One day I'll give you the rest.

* * *

Canon Sailor Senshi and affiliates

Tsukino Usagi/Sailor Moon: she's mostly the same Usagi, nice, generous, a little weepy. Only, in this fic she's a bit more aggressive, with butterfly effect on everything she does. She'll still keep the speeches, but just for fun.

Mizuno Ami/Sailor Mercury: she remains the same as she was when first appeared, at least with the other Sailor Senshi. Relationship with Usagi: they're good friends, and Usagi guessed she's Sailor Mercury (and Ami suspects Usagi being Sailor Moon, but decided it's her decision).

Hino Rei/Sailor Mars: because of the Biker Mice, she's a lot more hot-blooded. And she'll never even consider dating Mamoru (The Enemy) nor Youchiro (not resistant enough). Relationship with Usagi: they know each other, and they may exchange notes on how you deal with perverts.

Kino Makoto/Sailor Jupiter: Makoto is mostly the same as in the series. Only, without Usagi as the leader she just can't stand Ami (the feeling is mutual). Also, the monster bashing helped her venting, and she was never expelled by her previous school. Relationship with Usagi: they're both bully bashers, and mutually respect each other. Usagi also guessed she's Sailor Jupiter (and Makoto suspect Usagi being Sailor Moon, but decided it's her decision).

Aino Minako/Sailor Venus: as she left London before completely falling for Alan, she never went depressed like in the anime, and acts more like her anime or _Codename: Sailor V_ self. It's worth of note that Minako this time will never leave her Sailor Venus persona become differentiate from Sailor V (she just loves the fame too much, so expect her to wear her mask from time to time), and she got Alan and Katarina together before leaving London. Also, I was wondering why her parents are never mentioned nor dealt with in the anime (we saw Usagi's, we know about Ami's, Rei lives with her grandfather, Makoto's are dead, Saturn's are quite fucked up, Uranus and Neptune lives alone, and Pluto is too old to have them anymore). Relationship with Usagi: they're rivals for the highest score on the Sailor V Game (Minako's hard pressed to keep her advantage). Also Minako respects Usagi for being a bully basher, and they mutually suspects each other of being a Sailor Senshi but ruled it out (Minako hates police but V is affiliated with the police, and Usagi just acts too much like the terrible Sailor Moon for Minako considering Usagi being Sailor Moon).

Small Lady Serenity Usagi of Crystal Tokyo/Chibiusa/Sailor Chibimoon: yet to appear

Sailor Pluto/'Meioh Setsuna': she's the same as in the anime, but we enjoy more occasions of seeing her less serious side. Relationship with Usagi: Pluto sees her as a source of migraine as bad as time mechanics, and try and stay away as much as possible.

Tenoh Haruka/Sailor Uranus: she's the same as in the anime. Only, I will address the impossibility for her to drive in Japan with an American licence (you can verify it for yourself: you can't even convert an US licence with a Japanese one). Relationship with Usagi: Haruka HATES her, as she always makes a fool of her at every concert of Michiru by jumping on the stage she's supposed to keep the fans away from.

Kaioh Michiru/Sailor Neptune: she's the same as in the anime. Only, I'll try and explore her past (of which we know only she was a fangirl of Haruka before she became Sailor Uranus, and she's evidently rich. Do you have any idea of how much costs a Stradivarius?). Relationship with Usagi: Michiru taught her the basics of violin, and consider a decently talented apprentice. Also, she find her amusing (there IS a reason if Usagi always jump on the stage).

Tomoe Hotaru/Sailor Saturn: yet to appear.

Amazoness Sailor Senshi: yet to appear.

Shiva Shingetsu Astarte/Sailor Astarte: she's the same as in the musical, minus being into a vampire's thrall. Anyway, she'll react BADLY to ANY vampire. She's also the leader of the various minor Sailor Senshi of the Sol System (like the Amazoness). Relationship with Usagi: she considers herself her bodyguard, both as Usagi and as Sailor Moon.

Sailor Star Fighter/Kou Seiya: yet to appear

Sailor Star Healer/Kou Yaten: yet to appear

Sailor Star Maker/Kou Taiki: yet to appear

Chiba Mamoru/Tuxedo Kamen/Endymion: he'll stay at his Season 1 version, the silly phantom thief that can get Chuck Norris to actually try in combat. At various times I'll insist on the badass and silly parts of his character (expect him to dress as Santa Claus or something just for the heck of it fun). Relationship with Usagi: they know each other's secret identity, and cover each other. And they're FRIENDS. Nothing more, nothing less.

Luna: as she's without Moon, she's a bit more cranky than normal. Relationship with Usagi: FEAR.

Artemis: he's mostly the same, even if a bit more sarcastic. Relationship with Usagi: he appreciates her treats.

Phobos & Deimos: they are less reluctant to reveal themselves. Relationship with Usagi: at the moment, nothing.

Diana The Moon Fairy: the unused character will not join Usagi and Luna at the Tsukino household. Relationship with Usagi: Usagi is quite annoyed at her. Doesn't she EVER shut up?

Helios: he'll never have to leave Elysion. And will be able to give the Golden Crystal to the person he's supposed to have it. Also, no relationship with Chibiusa. Relationship with Usagi: drinking buddies.

* * *

Canon Dark Kingdom members

Queen Beryl: she's less crazy, thanks to Metallia being eliminated and the lessened stress.

The Shitennou: they stay the sames, only this time they bicker less. Also, I'm trying to explore their respective pasts in this life.

Neo Shitennou: I gave them to the original Shitennou as assistants.

DD Girls: I took them from Beryl's direct service and put them into someone else service. Also, I'll try and explore their characters.

Ace/Adonis/Danburite & affiliates: many of his youma from the _Sailor V_ manga did not meet V-chan and survived (Hibiscus was the last one she killed). Also, Minako never met Adonis in this life, so, for now, HE is the one with the unrequited crush.

Thetis: the anime never told us why a pervert like Jadeite doesn't want anything to do with her in spite of her looks. I'll tell you.

Seven Great Youma: they stay the same.

Kuroki Mio: yet to appear.

* * *

Makaiju aliens

Ail: yet to appear

An: yet to appear

Fiore (same species): yet to appear

Makaiju: yet to appear

* * *

Forces of Nemesis

Black Moon Family: due the high number of incongruences in the story relayed by King Endimyon, I developed a more realistic situation, in which the Black Moon Family we see are still Earth exiles but have been ADOPTED in the clan. More when the time will come.

Death Phantom/Wiseman: you'll see... Oh, you'll see...

Prince Demando: yet to appear

Safir: yet to appear

Emeraude: yet to appear

Rubeus: yet to appear

Ayakashi Sisters: yet to appear

Dark Lady: not sure she'll appear

* * *

Death Busters

Doctor Tomoe: yet to appear

Kaolinite: yet to appear

Eudial: yet to appear

Mimete: yet to appear

Tellu: yet to appear

Viluy: yet to appear

Cyprine & Ptiol: yet to appear

* * *

Dead Moon Circus

Queen Nehellenia: yet to appear

Zirconia: yet to appear

Fish Eye: yet to appear

Tiger's Eye: yet to appear

Hawk's Eye: yet to appear

Amazoness Quartet: they'll never join

* * *

Shadow Galactica members & affiliate

Sailor Galaxia: I mixed up a little her anime and manga versions, and gave her a pet worth of her. Also, we'll see her rare humor (expect her to say something like: "Aluminum Siren, you're trash. Recycle yourself", if she's in a very good mood and somebody screws up).

Sailor Iron Mouse: yet to appear.

Sailor Aluminum Siren: I'll give her back her manga powers, one day. For now, I'm having her act as the journalist that her cover is.

Sailor Lead Crow: yet to appear.

Sailor Tin Nyanko: yet to appear.

Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon. Yet to appear.

Sailor Lethe: yet to appear.

Sailor Mnemosyne: yet to appear.

Sailor Chi: yet to appear.

Sailor Phi: yet to appear.

Sailor Pewter Fox: yet to appear.

Sailor Titanium Kerokko: since she came to Earth, she HATES _Keroro Gunso_ and frogs, and rooted for Orochimaru when Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon gave her the novel _Jiraya Goketsu Monogatari_.

Sailor Buttress: yet to appear.

MC Fly: yet to appear.

* * *

Civilians

Osaka Naru: as Usagi's best friend she follows her anywhere, and acts as her common sense. She's a bit more aggressive, and owns a gun thanks to Ami (she doesn't want to know how Ami got her the weapon and the licence).

Umino Gunrio/Amano Gurizaku/'Mercurius': they have been reunited as one of the generals of the Dark Kingdom. Relationship with Usagi and Minako: he's trying to woo Usagi, and is having a little more success. Yet, he doesn't suspect she's Sailor Moon.

Furuhata Motoki: he stays the same. Only, he's a bit annoyed at the Dark Kingdom for the mess they did in his family business (not with Artemis, as he gave him another Sailor V Game machine), and guessed Sailor Venus' real identity.

Sorano Hikaru: Minako's best friend from the _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, not sure if she'll ever appear.

Urawa Ryo: he finally lost his powers, and is a LOT happier.

Hino Takashi: he stays the same. As long as I'll let him live.

Kumada Youchiro: he stays the same.

Rei's grandfather: how could I dare to change him?

Phantom thief Cutie Kenko and companions: they have become Dark Kingdom members.

Police Shitennou: yet to appear, but they'll stay the same. They're just too much fun.

Sakurada sisters: they'll stay their epical selves. Especially Natsuna-sama (Tokyo Metropolitan Police Suprintendent General).

Kimura Momoko & Abe Kanami: like Naru, Usagi's other two friends from the Live Action have been made a little more aggressive and own guns. Like Naru, they suspect she's somehow linked to Sailor V (and thus to the police) and that was how she got the guns and the licences, but unlike Naru they want to be sure.

Saito Sugao: yet to appear. But hell, he SHALL appear and kiss the Mooncats! Mwa-ha-ha!


	8. Elysion

This chapter will see the appearance of a few Lemures. As they're all OC that won't live long, their names and abilities are made up as I write (Lizard's Eye is the only exception). For future Lemures and monsters not appearing in the anime, the situation will be the same.

by lord Martiya

**ACT 6: ELYSION**

"What a downer..." Kitty Katter complained. "The guys are getting all the fun while we guard here..."

"Well, look there." Chucky replied.

Kitty Katter and Chucky were not feeling lucky. Finally, the Dead Moon Circus had found the mythical Golden Crystal and the fortress it was held into, and of five millions Lemures chosen for the assault they were the two left in the village covering the entrance, guarding for interlopers . Not exactly an exciting job. At least until a strange group appeared. And what a group!

The four most worth of note were three teenagers and a very big man wearing the same clothes as the villagers, but the boss was a man (thanks to Fish Eye they managed to realize his sex, but barely) wearing a dark purple military uniform flanked by an attractive man wearing a similar dark blue uniform, a darker breastplate with silver decorations and a black and red cloak. Then there were eight strange creatures that could have passed for very attractive women if it wasn't for the strange coloration and the insect-like wings of five of them, the strange colors and noseless face of the sixth and the rabbit-like legs and ears of the other two.

The last members of the group were less odd-looking: they were a dark skinned woman that humans would have called sexy protected by some sort of armor that evidenced her figure and by her creepy eyes, a girl with blond hair reunited in two odango and two ludicrously long pigtails wearing a white mask and cape, a very aderent leotard with blue sailor-like bows on the chest armor and back, a star-decorated pin and pink boots, a girl with almost identical phisical features (her eyes were green and the hair was black with a free flow between the ponytails) and a similar clothing but different colors (black sailor features and mask and white boots) and minor clothing differences (no cloak or breast armor, chainmail armor on the arms and legs and a black star-shaped pin on the frontal bow), and a man in a trenchcoat and a different black military uniform. In spite of their looks, they were acting extremely odd: while the four villagers were looking around in shock and the two men and the strange creatures were looking at them like they actually believed they could fight them (sometimes they met that kind of ignorant people), the dark skinned woman was simply pointing at them two angled pieces of blackened metal while keeping her creepy eyes on them (and Kitty Katter was feeling strange, with his bowels loosening), the blonde one was keeping the lens of her 'cill fon' or whatever it was called on the last two, who were apparently trying to eat each other's mouth. An interesting show, but they had a job.

"In the name of Nehellenia, surrender yourself!" Chucky ordered.

That provoked a reaction from the odd couple and the blonde: the odd couple stopped trying to eat each other's mouth and slowly turned on them with looks that promised a painful and disgusting death, while the blonde did something with the sel fone that provoked a strange rumor (according to His Excellence Hawk's Eye it was music). Then the blonde made a speech, accompained by some strange moves.

"You burned this village to the ground and interrupted the reunion of two long-lost lovers! Unforgivable! I'm the beautiful guardian of justice! I'm Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon I'll punish you!"

Chucky and Kitty Katter exchanged a look, wondering what the hell was the blonde doing. It made little sense to them and to her companions too, as all the others but the man with dark blue armor had the same reaction the Excellents Tiger's Eye, Hawk's Eye and Lizard's Eye had at some of His Excellence Fish Eye oddest actions, namely placing their palms on their foreheads. Maybe this Sailor Moon was just crazy.

Kitty Katter opened his mouth to reply, ...

_**"MOON TWILIGHT FLASH!"**_

... but the blonde got him in the mouth with an energy beam from her tiara, getting him to choke. Chucky turned on her with his knife, but received Sailor Moon's cloak on his face, and when he took it away...

"STAGE OUT?"

... he found himself dying from the overdecorated shortsword in his chest. Sailor Moon then turned on Kitty Katter, who had now recovered from the attack and slashed, barely evaded by his foe. She was expecting him to die from that, apparently. Then Kitty Katter felt a pain on his head, and fell.

* * *

"Bully somebody who can fight back, bitch!"

"Astarte, stop!"

One of the monsters, an oversized version of the infamous Chucky of _Child's Play_ fame, had been killed by Sailor Moon with a shortsword that looked like a cheesy anime weapon, but its feline companion had recovered from a Moon Twilight Flash in its mouth, and would have killed Sailor Moon if Sailor Astarte had not appeared from nowhere and knocked it out. Then Sailor Moon had to stop the New Moon Soldier from killing the thing.

"I obey, Your Rabbitness. But why?" Astarte questioned.

"This thing survived a Moon Twilight Flash in a vital point, and I'd like to know why." Sailor Moon replied. Then she added: "Cut it off, she died nuked by the Space Guard."

At that point the four locals stopped aiming their weapons at Astarte, while Sailor Nemesis analized on the monster.

"REMLESS!"

And destroyed it with fire.

"Sorry, could you rep-" Moon started.

"A Remless, or Stage 2 Lemures, is an until now hypothetic being created by taking a human being and modifying it with the replacement of the Dream Mirror with a nightmare spirit called Lemures, or Stage 1 Lemures." Diana the Moon Fairy explained after recovering from Endimyon's treatment. "Such unspeakable horror transforms the victim into a not-dreaming monster, hence the name Remless, with power estimated as B plus or higher. This [ CENSORED ] was a S minus, and the one dead was in the low S. Their only weakness is that they are MORONS. Also, barrier breakers will work just fine."

"OK. Dark Kingdom, call for reinforcements, in the meantime we go down and see what's happ-"

Sailor Moon was interrupted by the local girl manifesting her dream mirror and a white blur entering it and making it golden before getting it back in the body. And with no pain nor ill effect.

"OK, called." Malachite announced.

"Let's go." Moon called. "Oh, Astarte, how did you follow me without me noticing?"

"Well, I..."

* * *

Adamite was at his Amano identity's home, facing the Sailor Senshi. As his home was between the port and their headquarter, they had decided to see if they could get him. Only to find him with his bodyguards, three youmas that with Masterbems and Maraviollantes formed The Pervert Five (also known as DD Boys for their relation with the DD Girls and The Black Dogs for unknown reasons). And given Pluto KNEW that one of them, Felcules, could neutralize them with ease, Venus' Crescent Beam aimed at him was the only reason they were still alive. Still, Electricus (another one of the group) was undressing Mercury with his eyes.  
"V-chan! I'm so happy to have you back here!" Adamite said.

"Oh, crap."

"It was so BEAUTIFUL... Maybe I can use you again..."

Sailor Venus got strange looks by her fellow Senshi.

"The youma Luga got me in a videogame, and the only way to fight back was to have him use me as a videogame character." Venus explained.

_"DO-DORA DORA, DO-DO-DORA DORA..."_

In horror, the Sailor Senshi and the three The Pervert Five members observed Venus and Adamite starting SINGING the strange song coming from an undefined device that the third pervert, Achmechanics, would then deactivate before producing a screen from it.

"Boss, there's an emergency." he announced. "They say to take everything we can and move to these coordinates ASAP."

"OK, let's go." Adamite said. "Oh, Achmy... NEVER-INTERRUPT-BANDORA'S-SONG-AGAIN."

Adamite and his youmas jumped out of the window, Achmechanics helped by Sailor Venus' foot on his ass (NEVER interrupt her song).

"Ever thought to become an idol?" Michiru inquired.

"As soon as we get some peace." Venus replied.

* * *

Somewhere in Tokyo, Calcite's secret identity was observing his assistant Kuroki Mio fighting with one of his teammates in Japan's team for the upcoming tournament. And the one who had won the national tournament was PISSED at Calcite's being the captain. After all, Calcite lost against him in the last match...

"Why him? I won the tournament!" he cried.

Mio grew tired at his complaining, and the plushie dog in her hands pointed a Desert Eagle at him. He shut up.

"Will you listen, or force Chappy to pull the trigger?" she asked, receiving no answer. "Good boy. Now, you were evenly matched, and my boss wasn't even giving his best. He has his reasons for this. Also, he's smarter than you, and the only one with some experience in team leading. Does this answer your question?"

The poor guy nodded. Then Chappy the plushie dog pulled the trigger of his water gun, soaking his victim.

"You're right, Chappy, they make very realistic replicas, ne." Mio said. Then her cell phone rang.

"Oh boy... Boss, we have a problem." she announced after listening. Ten seconds later, she, her boss, his escort and Chappy were away.

"OK, what now?" the winner wondered.

"He'll return fast. In the meantime, let's sleep." one of their companions replied.

* * *

It was a good day for Lizard's Eye. He had successfully led the attack on Elisyon and captured Helios in spite of his soul escaping as a winged horse and the local's absurdly powerful resistance. Seriously, he knew that weapons could be enchanted to break through barriers and act like youki wasn't there, but what kind of war criminal thought about shooting small missiles propelled by controlled explosions? They repelled the first assault of his Lemures, and if they had finally broke through the enemy lines and got their target was just because a few millions Lemures were more than their missiles (and not by much).

"Your Excellence, the enemy is still resisting and regrouping for a new attack." a Lemures announced him. "What will we do?"

"They have no missiles anymore, they can't hurt us." he replied truthfully. "Let's exterminate them."

Lizard's Eye heard again their warcry, ancient words that English language would translate as 'By Heaven'. He casually noted it came from over him, from the same direction of the sudden golden light. But when he looked up, a black rose imbedded in his left eye, and his cry of pain and surprise was immediately extinguished by the rose giving him a KO electric shock, while a similar one exploded killing one of his subordinates. Had he managed to get Helios' body to Nehellenia, she would have killed him VERY slowly for failing to recover the Golden Crystal that the winged horse had taken with himself. It really had been a good day for him.

* * *

"Since when your roses give electric shocks? Or explode?" Zoisite asked Endymion.

"I had just invented the trick when the War erupted." the prince of the ancient Golden Kingdom replied before launching a red rose and killing another Lemures with a strike on the brain. "And the armor-piercing is still my favorite."

"Less talking, more killing." Sailor Moon ordered. "Or Nem will have to attack seriously, and you know what that means."

The attack on the invaders had achieved complete surprise: by using Sailor Nemesis' trusted portal spell and emerging right under the ceiling of Elysion, they weren't spotted until Malachite started using his power to levitate Moon, Astarte, Endimyon and the two DD Boys of the group (in short, they ones completely unable to fly), while his companions killed everyone but the apparent leader in the enemy's command post, Zoisite and Sailor Moon using their respective weapons to power up their energy attacks (with Sailor Moon complaining about the name of her Cutie Moon Rod), before reaching and taking over it complete with the boss. Given they couldn't use Yer-Anus and Elizamenes nor having Nemesis using her actual attacks without destroying the city, that was the safest option.

"Diana, analysis." Nemesis ordered.

"The enemy monsters are almost mindless beasts, so without their tamer they're quite dumb." the small Moon Fairy sentenced. "That was the good part. The bad part is that they are SCARED beasts, and there's over an hundred of them around us."

"No shit, Diana..." Moon replied while looking at the enemies surrounding them.

"Na'amah... DO SOMETHING!" Malachite cried as the enemy horde closed on them.

* * *

Calcite, his bodyguards and Mio teleported into Elysion, weapons ready. And they saw something that would usually provoke panic. Even in Dark Kingdom, most people, humans, yokai and half-breed alike, would usually run screaming in terror. It was really commendable that Calcite just asked "Why in the Nine Circles of Hell did Malachite unleashed tentacle monsters on the enemy? And why nobody told me the DD Girls are tentacle monsters?"

"It was a desperate situation." Moganite replied, the only one of the presents with some semblance of self control. "When we came here, Sailor Moon and Nemesis tagged along, with Astarte popping out from nowhere when Sailor Moon got in trouble."  
"Astarte? How?"

"Her explanation made little sense... Anyway, we caught the boss of this animalistic horde, and, as any scared animal with fangs, they were about attacking us when general Malachite, finding us outnumbered and possibly outgunned, spoke the code phrase for the DD Girls doing their worst. And you can see what happens when allucination-capable tentacle monsters unleash such power and their pherormones on the enemy. Then they, Masterbems and Maraviollantes started preying their energy with their favored method, with Electricus, Masterbems and Achmechanics joining the party as soon as they cam-er, arrived."

"Well, this explains the orgy, and that pond should be Calcite's reaction at seeing Sailor Moon. But Endymion?"

"He did what would normally be the smart thing and started killing the enemies. Too bad he tried to start with an attractive one. And no, the DD Girls did not prey on him, just beated him."

"OK, and where's the rest?"

"Well, Calcite is interrogating the enemy leader as we speak, Thetis, Astarte and the two girls from Death's Fork helped me killing the ugly ones and left for the party that is being held in our honor, and the boss and Nemesis are-

"Partying on their own?"

"I remember you that Nemesis is an healer first and Nemesis later. The boss and Moon are helping."

"And you?"

"Somebody must deal with the ugly bodies, and they taste good."

Calcite facepalmed. She was even worse than in the past life. What's next? Sailor Terra attacking Japan with Mothra? Medea going to Greece to sue Corinth for paying Eurypides play?

* * *

"Run that by me again?" Sailor Venus asked.

"I came here to try that Sailor V Game, and that moron jumped at me." Sailor GALAXIA replied.

"Next time, don't wear the armor, Taku's harmless if he doesn't see it. And I already knew that. But the WYVERN?"

"Well, disintegrating him would have been legally troubling, so I asked my pet to teach him manners. I just didn't calculate the panic. Or that Fluffy's wyvern form was so big and taller than the ceiling."

Sailor Venus facepalmed, then accomodated the thing with a ticket for excess of self-defence, having Galaxia paying the damage to the Furuhata family ("IN CASH, NOT GOLD!" "I included the change price, and I don't have any cash with me.") and spanking Taku. For some reason, Venus felt the urge to thank the gods of every religion.

* * *

Helios, his helpers the Maenads and the girl of the odd teenagers group were observing two gigantic vats.

"You sure they're still efficient?" she asked.

"Yes, my lady." Helios replied.

"Cut the crap, I work for a living. And it's time I prepare another little help. By the way, when would you have told me?"

"After this mission."

"This time it was close, sister."

"But we can still win. And Vulcan is now with us."

"True. But it's better stay on guard."

* * *

In their apartament, Michiru and Haruka were looking their guest, the prisoner of the Shinigami they had just helped watching a VRC from the Netherworld itself without his Shinigami knowing.

"THAT was your sister?" Haruka exclaimed. "She's too sweet!"

"She probably left home to have me keep my promise of genocide." he replied. "Like they aren't already dead inside..."

"Yep, they're family." Michiru stated.

"By the way, you tell this anyone, death will be the easy way out."

_AUTHOR NOTE_

The look of the Death Fork's youma was not decided by me but by my friend mwkillkenny84, on which Aragonite is based.

Sailor Moon fuku here is based on the one appearing in her very first image in the manga. She'll usually throw the cape for reasons known to anyone who has watched the movie _The Incredibles_ (i.e., capes KILLS) and definitely stop using it in the future, but she'll keep the mask.

These two Lemures and most of the Dead Moon Circus have little knowledge of what humans do or use outside of combat and most basic needs (they can't reproduce, so they forgot even about sex, courting and the likes). Expect them to misspell the names of common objects or not knowing what a kiss or a joke is.

Moon Twilight Flash is a laser-like move Sailor Moon used in the manga, the first time to fry Nephrite's shadow possessing Princess D. Expect other powers from the manga and the Live Action for ALL the characters, included the Princess Sword (an overdecorated shortsword used by Princess Sailor Moon in the Live Action).

Sailor Astarte was first called the New Moon Soldier in 2000. Meyer's blasted novel was first published in 2006. Don't compare them or I'll fill the story with _Twilight_ bashing.

The youma I call Pervert Five are the youmas created by Black Dog for his doujins, that identified themselves as the DD Boys and brothers of the DD Girls. And as the DD Girls brothers, they also are tentacle monsters with the tentacles hidden in the arms. In order of dedicated chapter they are Electricus (the only nice one, who would later fall for Sailor Mercury. Is a capable fighter and has lightning-based powers, and can multiply (dividing his power equally between the original and the copy)), Felcules (both the weakest and most dangerous as the same time, as he was weak enough to get by Makoto but could create a Territory in which you can use only your power, thus depowering the Sailor Senshi. Too bad his foe was Makoto...), Masterbems (The Master of Monsters, he can fight Sailor Jupiter hand to hand but attacked with a swarm of monsters including Yer-Anus. Got killed when Sailor Mars summoned a black-hole like yokai that ATE all his army but Yer-Anus and left only his flying head of Masterbems himself and Jupiter corrupter Yer-Anus into eating him. Hey, we all know Jupiter is a good cook...), Achmechanics (a mad scientist with extreme resistance to harm that often dresses as Tomoe and created five robotic counterparts to the Sailor Senshi. He apparently traded his luck for more intelligence, as every time he got distracted he got hit by something: first by Jupiter at his back while he looked at the city, then his robotic Sailor Moon, Mars and Jupiter stomped on him in the haste of fighting his counterparts, then Mercury hacked his robotic Sailor Venus (Mercury got tested against Electricus and was destroyed) and got it to self-destruct on his back, and as he gloated that a mere bomb was not enough he got disintegrated by a barrage of Crescent Beams. He still has enough stamina to survive until the Crescent Beam barrage, and is armed with dozens of guns in his mouth) and Maraviollantes (the boss, his power being youma mass production. And enough common sense to simply follow Luna and Artemis to find out who the Sailor Senshi were).

That 'Do-dora dora' was the start of the _Bandora's Song_, a song the Super Sentai villain Bandora often sang. Bandora would be the basis of the legendary and less crazy Rita Repulsa, so you know what to expect.

Kuroki Mio is a character from the Live Action. First appearing as an idol rivaling Minako, she's soon revealed as a youma partially cloned from Beryl herself and sometimes controlled by her. Her tormenting Minako and Usagi just for shit is all her own doing, not Beryl's. She is apparently disintegrated by Mamoru when he's possessed by Metallia, but reappear four years later as the villain in the Special Act with an army of Pierrot youma (simple redshirts that Minako can kick into concrete at will while berating her bodyguards for getting beaten by them), two stronger youmas that Endimyon trick into killing each other and four fake Shitennou who got mocked all the time before the actual Shitennou reappeared and disintegrated them, and she's killed for good by a Sailor Planetary Attack.

Lizard's Eye is an OC, created to fill the blank spot in the classical enemy quartet of the Sailor Senshi enemies: as the Amazoness Quartet actually were brainwashed Sailor Senshi, logic demands that the Amazon Trio was once a quartet.

If Lizard's Eye lament remind you of Thor's admission about firearms in _Stargate: SG-1_, that's because I took it from there and I too think that the design of firearms is a recipe for an explosion (incidentally, early firearms were quite explosion-prone, and modern firearms explode a lot less only thanks to stronger alloys).

Given that the DD Girls have no known names, I decided to give them some. I named the leader after Na'amah, that in the Zoharistic Kabbalah is one of the Angels of Sacred Prostitution and one of Samael's mates (the others being Lilith and the two other Angels of Sacred Prostitution, Eishet Zenunim and Agrat Bat Mahlat). She also has divination powers.

There are two versions of Medea's myth, differing in just one little particular. The most ancient has the Corinthians killing Medea's children for bringing Glauce the poisoned gifts. The filicide version would know diffusion outside Corinth only with Euripides' play _Medea_, a play the Corinthians gave him 15 Attic talents of silver. Or 397.5 kg/855 lb. of silver in modern terms. Every time I think of _Fate/Stay Night_ I can't help but expecting Caster suing Corinth for that...

Taku is a _Sailor V_ character. In his only appearance in person he criticized girls and couples 'invading' the arcades, and when Minako broke his record at a videogame he accused her of being a crossdressing male. When Minako morphed in an armored girl similar to the videogame player character to scare him and show Artemis what a combat uniform should look like, he jumped at her bones, forcing her to become Sailor V to keep him at bay. And when Taku searched for the armor under the skirt, he got Sailor V Kicked. In spite of all this, the Valentine chapter revealed she greatly respect him, and even considered him for her chocolate.


	9. The PuppyEyed Nuke and the World Conque

Recently I received an unsigned recension complaining of my grammar and of this fic being too complicated for crack. While the grammar is a sore spot for me as English is not my first language, I'd like to point out this is not a crackfic. I'm just remaining true to the anime spirit, as _Sailor Moon_ is a crazy anime in which a pizza may be used as a weapon (there was an Animamate hit by a pizza once) but has serious moments and background.

by lord Martiya

P.S.: Can you find the homage to a web original tale I love? A spoiler awaits people who can.

**ACT 7: THE PUPPY-EYED NUKE AND THE WORLD CONQUEROR**

Tuxedo Kamen was jumping on the roofs of Shibuya, running from Boxy and Gesen. Because there was no way in hell he would let them bring him to Pluto (he kinda loved loving in a not-platonic manner and his nose's form). If only Gesen hadn't extensible hands... Then, he tripped. On a foot with a wedge-heeled shoe.

"Not that cop ag-"

"I'M NOT A COP! AND I WON'T BE ONE!"

Cue steel heel in the reproductive area.

"Then why do you keep chasing me?" he asked.

"Because I hate thieves and I have a bet with my father I can catch you before Sailor V. Wait, I just kicked you into the ballsack..."

The girl he had mistaken for a cop checked her shoe, and found that the kick had edged the heel.

"YOU [ FOLLOWS STRING OF INSULTS IN KOGYARUGO ]!"

"What?"

The now evident kogal introduced Tuxedo Kamen to the marvels of pepper spray.

"Well, thanks for stopping our prey." Gesen said.

The kogal tried to pepper spray them too, but soon discovered that the youma had her canister.

"Please, child, may you pose for a picture to show it was you to catch Tuxedo Kamen, before we deliver it to Sailor V?" Boxy asked, camera ready.

"Deal."

* * *

It was almost two months since the Dark Kingdom failed attempt at the Silver Crystal. Two months of absolute calm on their front.

"It's too quiet." Pluto stated to Venus. "No new attacks, no new operation, no anything. What are they doing?"

"Dunno." Venus replied. "But I kinda remember one of your lackeys suckering your entire organization into helping his accomplice bankrupting the bastard who had kidnapped his sister only for his accomplice suckering him and his teammates into the World Warrior Tournament."

"It's not the World Warrior Tournament. And how do you know she's his sister?"

"Put a wig on him and get him to look sad instead than homicidal. And he already told me not to tell anyone."

"..."

Sometimes, even Pluto mistook Venus for a ditz. Then she was always reminded of Artemis theory about that being an unconscious act, a defence mechanism Minako had designed to protect the world from herself.

"And they weren't so quiet." Venus added before showing her a copy of _Jodan Club_. One with a picture of Tuxedo Kamen bound and gagged with his kogal captor keeping her foot on his back. "According to the article, two youmas were about to deliver it to you because of a promise of their boss when he escaped them, and Kotobuki Ran got him before they delivered him to _Jodan Club_ redaction with a note for me to fetch him."

At that point Venus pulled a rope coming from nowhere, revealing their fellow Sailor Senshi, Tuxedo Kamen chained with the Venus Chain Artemis had just found again, Artemis himself, Luna and a woman with boy-toy at the side that Pluto recognized as Tokyo Metropolitan Police general superintendent-general Sakurada Natsuna and her assistant/unofficial boy-toy Wakagi Toshio. And Sakurada was trying to nag the Inner Senshi into joining the police. Pluto first looked the group, then glared at Venus.

"Hey, he's a wanted criminal and his arrest was known, I had to take them here." V said.

"Whatever." Pluto replied before pulling a giant knife.

"WHAT! WAIT! WAIT!" Tuxy pleaded.

"Why don't we listen why he did it?" Sakurada asked.

"What?" was Pluto's reply.

"V-chan told me he cheated on you and the leader of this Dark Kingdom thingy in your previous lives, but he doesn't look that stupid. I suppose he has a reason, and the right to defend himself."

Pluto reflected a moment, then she nodded.

"I'd like to point out it's so embarassing that I'm actually tempted to get castrated, and when Calcite had me relay it Beryl decided not to brainwash me, but the generals and the youma will never let me live it down." Tuxedo Kamen said. Then he noted his statement had made Venus leave her serious-sad state, and understood he would not be spared. "Why me?"

_FLASHBACK_

Time: the era of the Silver Millennium. Place: the Martial Plains of Dysprosium, more accurately a secluded area where the crown prince Endymion was throwing black roses at a post.

"You know, your usual red roses have more penetration." Princess Serenity told him after popping out from nowhere.

"This is not meant to penetrate." Endymion reply. "Could you please leave me alone?"

"Bad day, I guess."

"No shit, odango! Where's the cat?"

"Searching for me somewhere else. Now, I just discovered a little thing, but I need clarification... Are you cheating on Sailor Pluto with that Beryl or cheating on Beryl with Sailor Pluto?"

Endymion finally turned and faced her.

"Who knows?" he asked.

"Only me. And possibly Astarte, but I'm not sure." she replied. "And you still don't have answered my question."

"Because I love them both. And I'm fucking scared of both of them! That's why I'm trying to get electroshock and explosive roses, to keep them at bay long enough to explain the situation! Oh, and you're interloping."

"Me? How?"

"You exist. Thus, I'll be forced to enter that tournament with your virginity and your daughter's paternity as the prize."

"Well, throw the battle."

Endymion glared at her.

"Oh, yeah, your Manly Pride..." she complained. "It's not like I want it too. It's a tradition my mother won't cancel in spite of all the inbreeding from having AGAIN somebody from your family as father. I think Nem is quite happy your uncle lost to dad..."

"Uncle too." Endymion stated. Then he noted Serenity's look, and started taking a step back: that was the same look Sailor Venus had when she got drunk in one of Venus' holydays, and nobody wanted to get near her during those times.

"Endy, let's get engaged."

"What?"

"It will get your girlfriends to collaborate and mess with mother's plans, and as soon as she cancel it we break up and I'll help you with Puu and Beryl."

"No way! It's crazy! Uh? The puppy eyes are cheating!"

_END FLASHBACK_

"She got me with the puppy eyes." Tuxedo Kamen admitted. "And it was getting the queen into renouncing that tournament, but the War came first."

The Senshi and the cats looked at him. Then they started laughing, with Tuxy deciphering it was for Serenity's puppy eyes.

"That girl was worse than nuclear weapons." he explained to the two puzzled dogs. "Do you have any idea of how ridicolous is getting moved by the puppy eyes of a walking planet-buster?"

They got the clue and started laughing.

"Well, dear, I think I won't castrate you." Pluto declared after calming herself.

"Thanks gods..." Tuxedo Kamen replied.

"I promise I'll bring you some fruit during your detention."

"Wait, what?"

That was when Venus and the two cops grabbed him.

"Do you know why I despise policemen on a general principle? Because they rarely do their job." Venus said. "Given I got nagged into police, I just don't want to despise myself."

"Weren't you in police for the money?" Artemis interjected.

"Hey, V-chan was already doing the job, being paid for it was only the right thing." Sakurada declared.

"That would actually be crime of vigilantism..." Wakagi noted.

The foursome of two cops, a superhero and a talking cat left the headquarter with Tuxedo Kamen in tow (literally).

"You know, I don't envy him." Uranus said. "He's with two beautiful girls, yet I don't envy him."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL EVIDENCE AND COMPLAINTS AND THE WARRANT ON TUXEDO KAMEN HAVE DISAPPEARED AFTER A VISIT OF KAIDOU AND NISHIZAKI?"

"That was the superintendent... I really don't envy hi-what's happening?"

Sailor Mars had just hit the walls with a punch.

"It's happening that I know who got Tuxedo Kamen out and why." she said. "And I'm gonna get back at him."

When the pissed off Venus returned, Mars explained her plan. Quite a good plan, especially after Uranus and Neptune joined in. After all, having Tuxedo Kamen busted out was something (and she had already taken that in account), but freed like that...

* * *

Mitsuhashi Takashi, A.K.A. Jadeite, was returning home after making fun of Imai by making him publicily use KRYPTONITE in a fight against him. And soon he would marry Riko, so she would stop nagging him (he couldn't figure why she was so adamant about marriage, they already lived together, had sex and paid the bills together. Yes, for Jadeite that was all marriage was). It was a good day. Or he thought so until he found Riko on the gate.

"San-chan... Sailor V called. She wants you to return to the temple with Ito, and she's paying you one hundred thousand yen." Riko said. "What kind of temple is that?"

Jadeite had to explain Riko the situation. As expected, Riko joined with her Aikido clothes and a katana. A fake one, but very real-looking.

* * *

Usagi was packing when her brother Shingo passed her a call from Rei. After she closed the call, she smiled at her brother.

"Oh, boy... Who's gonna dying?"

* * *

Chiba Mamoru, A.K.A. Tuxedo Kamen, was marching into the Hikawa Shrine. He was expecting the Dark Kingdom to bust him out before the police could officially unveil his identity (they had somehow convinced Zoisite to dress up as Sailor Venus' palette swap and catch him like Tarzan with Jane before the actual Sailor Venus' eyes, according to Calcite's call), but not having a politician destroy all evidence. Especially Hino Takashi, father to Hino Rei, and in order to marry her. He wanted to keep up appearances of being a loving father, and the Tuxedo Kamen business apart he was quite a good party. But with Rei?

"You don't seem too happy." said Kaidou, the most important of Hino's assistants and the one who was about entering into politics.

"I just hope to survive." he replied.

"So you already know Rei-chan..."

"Come on, she's not that terrible!" said Nishizaki, the other assistant (the lackey, as Mamoru had mentally filed him).

The two and the apprentice that was leading them to Rei (a Kumata guy) looked at him like the poor fool he was.

"Don't worry, she doesn't know." Rei's father declared. "And before she can react, you'll be engaged and as good as married."

Kumata cackled. The politicians failed to notice, but Mamoru now knew she was expecting them.

As they entered the main room, they found that Rei was indeed expecting them, with a strange group. Tsukino Usagi with her gang, Urameshi Yusuke with his assistant Kuwabara Kazuma, Jadeite/Mitsuhashi with his scary looking best friend and his cute but scary girlfriend-soon to be bride ("Chiba, you're drafted as the best man!"), the general superintendent Sakurada, Sailor Venus's cat with a sign announcing "V-Chan will be late as she's searching for the battle tank she has misplaced", Adamite, a girl looking like Mizuno Ami of Usagi's gang, that Aino Minako girl who got involved in a death penalty petition (Mamoru signed it), the famous idol Kaioh Michiru and her bodyguard, inspector Kotobuki Taizo of Shibuya's police, his daughter Ran with her friend Yamazaki Miyu, a green-skinned youkai with eyes on all his body, a red-haired green-eyed boy who actually looked like a Kitsune in human form, a couple oni (actual oni with spiked iron maces to boot, courtesy of Sailor Pluto) and a hooded figure armed with a scythe. Also, Rei had her bow and arrows.

"Father, I won't marry him." she declared.

Hino Takeshi could only nod and help Kaidou to pick up Nishizaki, who had fainted at the sight, before running away.

"Good grief... Was that an attempt at getting him to have an heart attack?" Mamoru asked. He then facepalmed when EVERYBODY nodded. "I don't want to know what he did, do I?"

* * *

Sailor Pluto was watching some TV while waiting for the troop to return. She wasn't too interested into Hino Takeshi's humiliation, and Luna was filming it, so she decided to stay back and watch that new child's sport. How was it called? Ballblade or whatever... Yet, it had a world championship, and one of the finalists, the Soviet team of the Demolition Boys (she couldn't pronounce their actual Russian name), was having a friendly match with the American team, previously kicked out of the competition by the other finalist, the Japanese team. And the Soviets had already won 2-0, with the last set about to be played so the US could score at least a point. That was when the referee got a WTF: the third Soviet player was Hiwatari Kai, the Japanese team captain.

"I think you got the wrong memo: this is not a match between the All Starz and the Demolition Boys, is between the All Starz and the pupils of the training center that managed to supply all the titulars of the Demolition Boys." he replied. "And incidentally I'm one of their best pupils. Plus, the people of the center is trying in secret to take over the world, and as a member of another faction I used this occasion to infiltrate and sabotage."

That kind of jokes was all too familiar to Pluto, but it could be attributed to his past in Moscow: after all, Russian humour was similar, as shown by the Moscovite audience laughing their asses off as he talked. Then Pluto noted the girl behind him.

"KUROKI MIO!" was her cry. "Oh, Calcite, this time you're going DOWN."

* * *

A week had passed since the tournament, and Hiwatari Kai/Calcite had thrown a party for the just-won Beyblade World Cup, inviting their previous major adversaries, the Majestics (and McGregor had promised to bring girls. He expected that from Tornatore, not him!) even the Demolition Boys (he had renounced calling their team with the proper name when Max's mother scolded him for the horrible curse in Ainu. He would later check if their name really resembled any Ainu curse, or even if the century-long discrimination had left any curse in their language). Finally, McGregor appeared.

"They're here!" he announced.

"Well, I'm curious: how do you know girls?" Tornatore asked.

"Well, I actually met one of them in London a few months ago and we bonded while beating a thief who tried to steal my wallet, and she was passing for business with some friend, so... Anyway, may I present you the Sailor Senshi?"

Kai spit his drink. Not out of the circumstances McGregor had met Sailor Venus (he was from Glasgow, and if half of what they said about that city was true he pitied anyone foolish enough to try and explode a bomb in that city), but out of the sheer implausibility of her just happening to pass for Moscow for business with some or all the others while he was still there. And in fact, when they entered Sailor Mercury had her laptop emitting some strange space-time distortion blocking teleport, Venus, Mars and Jupiter had him at spellpoint, Uranus was looking Mio almost begging for her to try something, Pluto had a smug look, and Neptune was trying her best to remain serious in spite of Chappy's cuteness.

"Wait, Kai, so you weren't joking about being out to take over the world and the Sailor Senshi being a rival faction who didn't know of having such objective!" Takao exclaimed.

"No shit, Lizardhead!" CHAPPY replied (Kai couldn't figure if Mio was a ventriloquist or Chappy actually being sentient. And he wasn't sure he wanted to know).

"We don't want to take over the world." Venus stated. "Do you have any idea of the paperwork involved?"

"It's not a question of you wanting." Kai stated, stalling for some time. Endymion had promised some help, but who knew what he had in his crazed mind? "By the way, do you really think I don't have any kind of security to protect me from such an ambush?"

"We checked the area for youma and other ki or magical signature." Mercury replied matter of factly.

"AND YOU FAILED TO FIND ME!"

The window bust open, and SOMETHING entered. It looked human, but it couldn't be one. Firstly, it was too pale, and no human could bring so much cold into a room and in summer by just entering in it. Second, no human would dare to wear time a Red Army uniform with the rank of Generalissimus of the Soviet Union, the Order of Suvorov and the badge of Hero of the Soviet Union at the same time of the TZARIST Order of St. Andrew. Then, Kai realized what it was. And he wasn't the only one.

"GENERAL WINTER?" the Sailor Senshi exclaimed at once, taking a step back.

"Wow, I didn't expect you to fall for this." the General commented with an all too familiary voice. "Anyway, I owe him a few favors, so you stay quiet or this will go on Youtube."

As the Sailor Senshi realized how badly they had been fooled and that the shame would be too much, 'General Winter' took off his disguise and revealed himself to be Tuxedo Kamen. Kai facepalmed. Who else could dare something like that and pull it off?

"Well, wasn't this supposed to be a party?" Tuxedo Kamen asked.

Given the situation, the Sailor Senshi joined the party, with Venus even getting drunk. Only later Artemis told her that she was underage in Russia too. And Pluto did something she had forgotten to do.

"Endymion, dear?" she called.

"Yes?"

Tuxedo Kamen couldn't say it was unexpected. Frankly, when Serenity proposed him her plan, it could have been successful. But at the time Sailor Pluto and Sailor Nemesis were more aquitances than friends. In fact it had been the fake engagement, combined with Nemesis being a responsible leader and feeling partly responsable for that and Pluto's need for a shoulder on which cry, that made them such intimate friends, and unwillingly influenced the Guardian of Time. Really, knowing all of this, Tuxedo Kamen actually managed to roll Pluto's vicious cross on his nose.

_AUTHOR NOTE_

The defence mechanism part is my theory to explain Minako's quick changing personality. After all, the girl is surprisingly dangerous when she gets pissed, and in episode 109 she had issues about the possibility of not being a good person. At least until the Daimon Doorknobdar didn't extract her Pure Heart Crystal. Then she was happy.

_Jodan Club_ is a magazine existing in the manga _Haikara-san ga Toru_ (also known as _Mademoiselle Anne_ and _Smart-san_). Any known worker of this journal and his publisher _Jodansha_ is crazy enough to joke about the protagonist antics and occasionally even making them look tame (as shown when a representative of a big publisher went to absorb _Jodansha_. The protagonist merely acted like she had poisoned him and the poison was late in taking effect, the others tried to summon MOTHRA). I figured that they would be the only guys who wouldn't bat an eye in such a situation...

Kotobuki Ran, protagonist of the famous manga _Gals!_. Respect her or despair, as Tuxedo Kamen learned in this chapter.

Sakurada Natsuna and Wakagi Toshio are _Codename: Sailor V_ characters. While Wakagi initially hates Sailor V for her habit of catching criminals with the stated intent of making police appear fools (she ADMITTED it to Artemis), superintendent Sakurada is a closeted Sailor V fan, and even managed to find out she was Minako (who she had just befriended while they penetrated TV studios to watch an idol) before nagging her into accepting a job at the police (the last chapter shows that Sakurada makes a phone call at least a week offering Minako a job at the police, and in the two very last panels of the manga Minako announces Artemis she decided to accept the job. And the high pay). According to Minako, Wakagi and Sakurada make are not only an item but a perfect couple.

Kaidou is a character appearing in some flashback in the manga, and Nishizaki his Live Action replacement, their main differences being that Rei liked Kaidou (to the point of considering him a kindred spirit and wishing to marry him if one of them was forced to marry) but was at best indifferent toward Nishizaki.

Imai Katsutoshi is a _Kyo Kara Ore Wa!_ character like Mitsuhashi. Imai took a dislike for Mitsuhashi for very good reasons, and always try to best him, resulting in being humiliated and beaten (the one time he actually succeeded into getting back at Mitsuhashi with a prank he found himself closed into an abandoned building, forced to starve and humiliate himself with Mitsuhashi taking pictures). That in spite of being physically stronger than him (it happens that Mitsuhashi never fights fair, and Imai is quite clumsy. Best example in the anime is when he fough off a gang of yakuza in a dump: when the last conscious yakuza armed himself with a steel bar, Imai replied with a FREEZER, only to trip and knock himself out).

Akasaka Riko is Mitsuhashi's unofficial girlfriend, and she often acts like she was his wife. Everybody consider them already dating and, in spite of his denials, Mitsuhashi is in love with her (more or less). Interestingly, Riko is the one person who can keep up with Mitsuhashi's madness. Also, in spite of her cute and harmless look, she's an Aikido master and the heir of her father's dojo, and anyone who tried to bully her found himself forcefully knocked out.

Ito Shinji is another _Kyo Kara Ore Wa!_ character, and Mitsuhashi's best friend. That in spite of being a very nice boy (they initially hated each other, but then they found themselves with the same enemies and teamed up, and since then...). Ito is from a very rich family, and his most defining feature are his hair combed into spikes. He's also slightly stronger than Mitsuhashi, but slower and less cheating and savage. And stupider.

Hino Takashi is Rei's father and an important member of the Jiminto (an actual Japanese party, the ruling one when _Sailor Moon_ was published). Rei hates and despise him since he didn't show up on his own wife's deathbed and left Rei with her grandfather.

Sometimes Japanese criminals who could be punished with death penalty are so heinous that the public will sign petitions to influence the judges into sentencing the criminal to hanging. In at least a case (Isogai Rie's murder), a petition was signed by over 100,000 people in ten days, and among the signers there were the fathers of the two defendants. Note that such cases are quite rare (in that case it was a robber with murder, kidnapping for profit, confinement and abandonement of corpse).

Kotobuki Taizo is a character from _Gals!_ defined by being a policeman and his silly attempts at making a cop out of Ran. He molded her into her actual persona when she was a child and willing to join police, but she decided not to join when her older brother mentioned about the dress-code (Ran was already into fashion).

Yamazaki Miyu is another _Gals!_ character and Ran best friend/conscience/future sister in law, as she's engaged with her older brother (they marry in the ending chapter). While usually sweet, Miyu has quite a shitty mother, and before meeting Ran and falling for her brother she was on her way to become a serial killer (she still has a return to that time of violence when a man tried to get her into prostitution. Ran had to save that man's life).

In Japan, green eyes and red hair are often considered a sign of being a Kitsune in human form. I know of at least a manga character with these characteristics who IS a fox in human form. And it's exactly him. Good guess, Mamo-chan.

Rei is hinted to practice kyudo in the manga and anime. Kyudo is the traditional Japanese archery, and holds an holy position in shinto tradition.

The Russian jokes I know are mostly based on impossible exaggerations and low blows (they managed make funny jokes on CHERNOBYL, and some of the gulag jokes have been invented by the inmates). Kai's one was made up by me basing on the spirit of Radio Yerevan (an actual example of what I mean: "Is it good to have sex with an open window? Yes, but with a woman is better"), and I hope actual Russians liked it.

The Ainu are an ethnical minority of Hokkaido and Russia (only the island of Sakhalin), forcefully absorbed into the Japanese population during Meiji era (Japanese discrimination and forceful absorption against Ainu people started in 1899 and was finally stopped only in 1997, and it wouldn't be until June 6, 2008 that the governement would recognize the Ainu as an indigenous group). I evoked their language as it's the only one that Kai may have possibly known, as far as Mrs. Mizuhara knows (I could have chosen any of Japan's other ethnic minorities, but the Ainu are the most famous).

In Britain, Glasgow has a fame as the city of the thoughest people in the world. And in fact that time two people attempted to bomb the airport the police had to save the terrorists from passing civilians (one of the two terrorists, already injuried by their own makeshift incendiary bomb, would still be struck down with a kick in the nuts so hard the kicker hurt himself. British people is still laughing).


End file.
